Should I just give up this lifestyle?

[nightowl]

Adding my two cents here too. I fell for a vanilla guy soon after i realized how much spanking meant to me....I brought it up as something I liked to do during our sex to kind of feel him out, to see if he even enjoyed it.....he did....he liked the "power" it gave him.....about 3-4 months after that I wrote him about submission and dominanace.....very general feelings about how I thought our relationship would work with him being "the man in charge"....he found that writing interesting......again, later I wrote him about my need to be spanked to help me refocus and to bring a constructive way for us to deal with disagreeements.....He let it ride for awhile, and I didn't say anymore....then one day it just happened....I got lippy and he got toppy....and we were off and running.

But it was still difficult for him for awhile.....wasn't he hurting me? He didn't like the marks he left...He felt "evil" sometimes...but we continued to talk about it, continued to incorporate it into our sex life (ie playing Master/slave) and eventually we developed our "own rules" about what was a D/s relationship. I am happy to say that when he died we had the "perfect" D/s relationship, spanking and all......

Don't give up....go slow, write your thoughts, let them sink in and be true to him and yourself....If you're interested, I would be willing to share some of my letters with you offline.

Nightowwwww