Who is Responsible?

[sarah thorne]

Originally Posted by BlackVelvet007

Does it then become the spanker's "fault"? Questions like this usually boil down to "Who's to blame when a scene doesn't go well?"

My intent is not to finger point, per se, but to encourage a discussion on topics related to our preferential activity .

During a 'scene gone bad', a breakdown of communication is happening, or has happened, for whatever reason it has and the fact is --- vulnerability and high emotions and chemical alterations in the body will and do factor into that. This can and does cause people to lose a real perspective on what may be happening. Due to the nature of the scene and what it requires of both parties should be, IMO, looked at from every angle to prevent a 'scene gone bad'.

Evan, I agree with you. I have "let go" with RG -- but we play in group situations as well and complete and total knowledge of one another is not always possible.

At a successful meet that RG and I usually host each year, the Tops who spank bottoms who they do not know well actually take it upon themselves and make it a point to periodically lean and whisper in the bottom's ear, "is everything alright still?' --- and the girl's are good about speaking up. They don't wait, so to speak, until there is a sign that perhaps the question may be needed.

I guess this is the kind of responsibility I am talking about. Should a Top just spank away, assuming everything is ok, unless the bottom shows obvious signs of distress, or until a blatant safeword is uttered? Or is it his repsonsibility in the role he is playing to play close attention and check without waiting for those signs?

Of course, all of this assuming that the bottom also has full responsibility for recognizing and indicating when there is distress. The liklihood of the bottom being unable to do this vs the Top is greater however, just due to the nature of the bottom's role (my point).

sarah