Responsibility and Respect

Hi Gang,

Haven't done much posting or replying of late; this silly 'ol business called "life" seems to keep intruding.

Last night I sat out in the garage and enjoyed a cigar and the quite of late evening and did some thinking.

I don't want this to come off as a lecture.....it isn't. This is a spanking forum and a place to exchange ideas so that's what I hope to accomplish with this post. Your comments and observations, favorable or not favorable are welcome.

There is an old saying, "To those whom much is given, much is expected." Allow me to address that to those of us who Top. Our bottoms have entrusted us with a very intimate part of themselves....whether they are out of the closet, post to blogs or secret spankos.....they trust us. We have a responsibility to respect them and look after their needs.

If they are exploring new areas....maybe new implements, corner time, scolding, B&D...whatever it may be.....we may be "in charge" but the Bottom is "in control." A Bottom (in my view anyway) should never put themselves in a position where they can't stop or at least moderate the play.....that is for their mental and physical safety.

Awhile back, a very dear friend of mine....a Bottom who was just starting to play......found herself in a very dangerous situation with a Top from out of town. I'll not betray confidence but suffice to say that it could have gone very, very badly. As it was, she was pretty shook up for a couple of weeks. Lesson learned but what a hell of a tuition.

Now in that vein, Bottoms have a responsiblity to ensure that a) they are playing with someone who will respect their limits and b) ensure that they have some viable means to stop the play if it exceeds their comfort level....in you zeal to play, don't let your personal safety be left behind. That's one of the great things about newbies going to parties....great place to find responsible Tops in a safe environment.

OK.....I've gone on long enough. 99% of the folks I've met in this scene are salt of the earth....marvelous, funny, sensitive, caring...I just can't say enough. The tiny handful who would prey on the vulnerable....well we don't need them.

Just my thoughts....would love to hear yours.

Love one another and be safe.....wish May was here....there a couple of out of town Bottoms who are WAY overdue....

rangerboy

[southern_sweetie]

Wow you are so right. It is very hard to trust the person you let spank you. Trust is very important. It is very hard as a bottom to put yourself out there. I feel though I made a good decision picking my Top! I trust him a great deal. I know he would always respect my limits and never hurt me. I do feel sorry for those, though who have found themselves in bad situations, just becareful everyone. And your right most of the people who are into spanking like the good folks here on the forum are wonderful people and I am very happy to know you all. I really have to make it to a party one of these days!

[lil_dixiedarling]

Originally Posted by rangerboy

.....wish May was here....there a couple of out of town Bottoms who are WAY overdue....

rangerboy

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and very well stated...that must have been one powerful cigar

I am curious....who on earth could be out of town and WAY overdue though ~think think think~

Sherie

[EmmyDoll]

Oh my dear, dear Rangerboy.

Some of this sounds like its coming directly to me, because it 100% similar to what we discuss in our evreryday conversation. And I'm sure that some or this was spurred on by our talk yesterday.

He is most defianlty very right. As my friend, Rangerboy and I have disscussed every asspect of saftey when it comes to play. I'm new, and several people have taken me under their wing, so to say.

Never, ever in a play situation do you EVER EVER give away your safeword. Even if you really trust the person you're playing with. Giving up your safeword is putting you out of 'control' of the situation. And that is not a good thing to do, even with a Top that you trust, because sometimes things trigger emotioal things and Top's can't read minds.

And always, always have a safe call. I usually have two or three when I play with people. They need to know where you're going, who you're going to be with, and you need to call them when you get there, once during the meeting, and once when you leave. I'm sure you've all heard this, but I'm only restating the obvious.

I love the scene, and the people in it. I would not like any of my friends to get hurt by some sick, spanko, pervert. Rangerboy, Kaylex, and a few others know that I would go postal and kill the guy if they ever hurt any of my friends.

But yes... I just wanted to go on with his 'rant.' Its a very important topic and does need adressing.

Love you guys!

Emmy

[emily]

ive had a couple of not so good experiences that have made me the safety advocate that i am for this lifestyle today. A few years ago after my divorce i kinda went a lil' buck wild running off an playing with ppl id met offa the internet. i didnt follow any of the safety rules or advice because i was simply just very naive an immature. i had two meetings that went rather bad an scared me onto the straight and narrow. The first i ended up running off an meeting a guy i had chatted with online for about 2 wks in a town over an hour away from where i live. i hadnt told anyone where i was going. to make a long story short when i made my exit an hour into our meeting that was just all wrong from the beginning he followed me for a long time. i tried everything i could think of to lose him but he was very persistent. i ended up bein able to lose him in some heavy traffic and made it back home only to find an inbox full of mean/nasty emails from him. That went on for months before he finally gave up an moved on. The second was kinda the same beginning i ran off to meet a guy id chatted with for a couple of weeks out in the middle of nowhere. Again i hadnt told anyone about it. To make another long story short i ended up with a belt wrapped around my neck rather tightly. Again with alot of luck i made it out of the situation and im alive an well today and able to witness to others about how important it is to take every step possible to make sure they are doing what it takes to be safe.

emily

[garyspk]

Originally Posted by emily

Again with alot of luck i made it out of the situation and im alive an well today and able to witness to others about how important it is to take every step possible to make sure they are doing what it takes to be safe.

emily

Thanks for sharing these stories Emily.

If there is ANYONE on this forum who ever has a question about whether or not to meet someone and how to do so, please drop me a private message and I'll do my best to talk you through how to do it. I've seen and heard lots of stories through the years.

[lil_babygirl]

Wow.. that was a special cigar there Rangerboy. I've been lucky about those I've met online and then met in person have been great. Whew.. but I know.. I need to be careful since I'm the sort that is very trusting and naive. Just ask any of my close friends.. but anyway... I'll be meeting someone very special at the BU party weekend and I'm looking forward to it.

[teefortexas]

Dear Rangerboy,

Did Kaylex give you my cigars?!!

Okay everyone...what is deal with the cigar? Are you guys implying that I was smoking pot????? Haaaaa....not since high school....... It was a cigar...you buy them at the cigar store....the Surgeon General tells you not to smoke them. I ignore the Surgeon General.

I have about one a week...I enjoy them......

You guys are crazy...that's why I love you all so much.

rangerboy

[imapuckhead04]

Great thread Rangerboy! I will reserve comment about your cigar, <wink> <wink>. lol.

I also wanted to say that this is certainly not just for F bottoms out there. Right after my first party I felt 10 feet tall and bullet proof and rushed out to meet someone for play after a very short period of internet chat.

She threw aside many of my limits we had discussed before hand. She actually kinda ambushed me as I walked in the door (which I know now was planned) and jumped right into play with out any negoation. Still being a 10 foot tall bullet proof male, not to mentioned in over my head(just did not realize it at the time) I just went with it. No negoation = no safe word. What could happen? right. Of course I was an hour from home and NO ONE knew where I was. No safe call + No Safe word = 0 brains on my part!

While I escaped mostly unharmed, it was less than a pleasant play experience and was a serious wake up call and could have gone REALLY bad. But lesson learned albeit the hard way.

I had heard stories about what could happen, but like most victims I just thought it would never happen to me.


Puck