Where does Spanking fit?

[Billy Wizz]

A question that has always intrigued me is where does the spanking fetish stop and where does BDSM start?

What makes us different from the BDSM crowd? Are we just a subset of the BDSM folks with a interest in Dominance and Submission side of BDSM or are we a group of fetishists in our own right?

I have notice on other spanking forums that if you say are interested in any form of BDSM play you are quickly seen as a freak. Is this right or should we be more tolerant?

[BlackVelvet007]

There's always been a distinct division between the spanking community and the BDSM community. Most folks in the spanking community say "Oh I'm not kinky! I'm not perverted like those whips and chains people. I just enjoy spanking " Meanwhile folks in the BDSM community say things like "Spanking is passe, it's 101, ANYONE can do that.", completely ignoring the nuances and style in what we do and implying there's no skill involved when in fact I've observed a lot of SLOPPY technique which is inexcusable.

BDSM to me is a lifestyle mentality that covers ALL aspects, not just play. As a top, it's a major charge to give someone an order saying "This is what you will wear today, this is the schedule you will keep..." etc, but the division between fantasy and reality lies in knowing the person you're with and knowing where lines are drawn.

I'd like to think on this forum that we're more open to folks who enjoy "heavier" elements of fetish play like flogging, bondage, single tails etc. We just put more emphasis on spanking because that's what we love most

[Kyra]

heh well I sort am in to the whole BDSM thing as a whole I guess SM is a part of it as it is in the name and such. A more mild form?

Different idea's I guess.

[Billy Wizz]

Thanks for the replies so far.

I have always found it funny that people think that spanking isn't kinky. The Sunday papers in the UK thought it was very kinky until recently, especially if you were a member of the Government. I remember in my youth the endless stories of kinky couples spanking in the News of the World. I love being kinky and and proud to think of myself as a kinky spanker. It makes one sound more interesting.

Personally I think to dismiss spanking as less of an art than say Japanese Rope bondage is an incorrect thing to do. Both require a lot of practice and skill to do correctly. And from my observations at fetish fairs the belief that anyone can do can be dangerous to the BDSM submissive being caned or whipped.

I can see what you are saying, BlackVelvet007, that the BDSM community in it purest form can be more 24/7 in nature that dictates even the clothes someone wears. It can be far more controlling than the spanking kink. However the spanking kink also has it's elements of 24/7 relationships in the form of Domestic Discipline scene which has lots of throw backs to the spanking scene.

I do wonder how may pure spankers are out there. How many of us play on the fringes of BDSM or take what we like from BDSM?

I know in the past I have used mind control games to control a spankee with their consent. Or incorporated the more, let us say, erotic side of spankings which included orgasm control and orgasm overload to the extent of getting my spanking partner into subspace. Is this part of the spanking scene or part of the BDSM scene? I know the ladies I have spanked have always been grateful.

Kyra I think you might be right that spanking is just a specialist form of BDSM as is something like Japanese Rope bondage when performed exclusively on its own. The thing is I'm sure there are few pure spankers out there. Most of us play other games that cross the lines.

[sister0163]

Hi Billy

As i read your question , i could not help but laugh, here we are again it is of each indevidual ,to decied what it is to them , in my opinion , you know like ,the question of did the egg come first or did the chicken?

is Spanking a part of BDSM, or is it,it's Own Indevidual Kink ,my opinion is it is Both !
BDSM is a complex combination of edges. and different leavels of play with in each genre of Kink, and that can include spanking . In the same spanking is it's own Proclivity , and therefore for some it is a seperate kink.

BDSM is based in power/controle .Or Power Exchange ie Giver/Reciver and that dose not mean only in pain or sex or discipline or bondage etc etc...

and in "my" opinion spanking uses that power /controle dynamic to work.

~ dena

[Kyra]

Ok I've read everyones comments and they make sence.

However now wondering myself. Where does Master/Mistriss and slave fit in. I assumed that is part of BDSM but it is not in the genral names and everytime I look its is not listed under the same thing. I think what I find difficult is finding slave themes with spanking. Incredibly hard alot of the stuff is just hardcore BDSM with people doing things that are a bit much for me.

I have been back and forth to this post quite a bit and do find it extremely interesting.


It is part of innate human nature to want to ‘fit in’ or be a part of something and indeed to know exactly where we do fit in.

We all at some point, usually during our teenage years, experience that awkwardness and sometimes the rebellion that is caused by not knowing where we fit in, or where we feel like we belong.

What fascinates me about this post, is that, we are all here, as people who have expressed an interest in spanking, not necessarily, that we are all fetishists, but that we share an interest. We have all come to a level of comfort within ourselves regarding our interest, despite society’s views on the matter.
We spend so many years trying to fit in, and finally we have reached a point within ourselves where we are comfortable enough to break away a bit from that ‘norm’ and explore our interest, with other people who share that interest…..and what do we do?........of course, we look for ways to fit in there too.

As human beings, we want to be accepted and know that there is nothing wrong with us because we have a non-vanilla interest.
It is perfectly normal to want to explore where spanking fits in, but to be honest, I’m not convinced that the answer to that question would be the same for any two people on this forum, or indeed within the whole world of spanking communities.
There may well be aspects and different levels of BDSM involved in different people’s perspectives of spanking and I would agree that there is a certain amount of acceptance and submission where spanking is concerned, and where there is submission, there must be dominance to facilitate that submission.
Its kinda like trying to determine where one blade of grass fits into a whole lawn.
No two blades of grass are the same, but each one fits into the lawn, which is the bigger picture.

perhaps it is because we are all different, that we do fit in!

take care,

Ami.xx.

Thank you Nomad, finally my metaphors are appreciated..............my life's work is complete!!!!!

.xx.

[Billy Wizz]

Thank you for all the excellent replies to my question. I wish I could comment on the replies so far in detail but my house was burgled a few weeks ago and they took my laptops and both my cars while I was asleep. When I have time and the replacement laptops I will get back to the thread.

Billy