Where does Spanking fit?

[Billy Wizz]

A question that has always intrigued me is where does the spanking fetish stop and where does BDSM start?

What makes us different from the BDSM crowd? Are we just a subset of the BDSM folks with a interest in Dominance and Submission side of BDSM or are we a group of fetishists in our own right?

I have notice on other spanking forums that if you say are interested in any form of BDSM play you are quickly seen as a freak. Is this right or should we be more tolerant?

[BlackVelvet007]

There's always been a distinct division between the spanking community and the BDSM community. Most folks in the spanking community say "Oh I'm not kinky! I'm not perverted like those whips and chains people. I just enjoy spanking " Meanwhile folks in the BDSM community say things like "Spanking is passe, it's 101, ANYONE can do that.", completely ignoring the nuances and style in what we do and implying there's no skill involved when in fact I've observed a lot of SLOPPY technique which is inexcusable.

BDSM to me is a lifestyle mentality that covers ALL aspects, not just play. As a top, it's a major charge to give someone an order saying "This is what you will wear today, this is the schedule you will keep..." etc, but the division between fantasy and reality lies in knowing the person you're with and knowing where lines are drawn.

I'd like to think on this forum that we're more open to folks who enjoy "heavier" elements of fetish play like flogging, bondage, single tails etc. We just put more emphasis on spanking because that's what we love most

[Kyra]

heh well I sort am in to the whole BDSM thing as a whole I guess SM is a part of it as it is in the name and such. A more mild form?

Different idea's I guess.

[Billy Wizz]

Thanks for the replies so far.

I have always found it funny that people think that spanking isn't kinky. The Sunday papers in the UK thought it was very kinky until recently, especially if you were a member of the Government. I remember in my youth the endless stories of kinky couples spanking in the News of the World. I love being kinky and and proud to think of myself as a kinky spanker. It makes one sound more interesting.

Personally I think to dismiss spanking as less of an art than say Japanese Rope bondage is an incorrect thing to do. Both require a lot of practice and skill to do correctly. And from my observations at fetish fairs the belief that anyone can do can be dangerous to the BDSM submissive being caned or whipped.

I can see what you are saying, BlackVelvet007, that the BDSM community in it purest form can be more 24/7 in nature that dictates even the clothes someone wears. It can be far more controlling than the spanking kink. However the spanking kink also has it's elements of 24/7 relationships in the form of Domestic Discipline scene which has lots of throw backs to the spanking scene.

I do wonder how may pure spankers are out there. How many of us play on the fringes of BDSM or take what we like from BDSM?

I know in the past I have used mind control games to control a spankee with their consent. Or incorporated the more, let us say, erotic side of spankings which included orgasm control and orgasm overload to the extent of getting my spanking partner into subspace. Is this part of the spanking scene or part of the BDSM scene? I know the ladies I have spanked have always been grateful.

Kyra I think you might be right that spanking is just a specialist form of BDSM as is something like Japanese Rope bondage when performed exclusively on its own. The thing is I'm sure there are few pure spankers out there. Most of us play other games that cross the lines.

[sister0163]

Hi Billy

As i read your question , i could not help but laugh, here we are again it is of each indevidual ,to decied what it is to them , in my opinion , you know like ,the question of did the egg come first or did the chicken?

is Spanking a part of BDSM, or is it,it's Own Indevidual Kink ,my opinion is it is Both !
BDSM is a complex combination of edges. and different leavels of play with in each genre of Kink, and that can include spanking . In the same spanking is it's own Proclivity , and therefore for some it is a seperate kink.

BDSM is based in power/controle .Or Power Exchange ie Giver/Reciver and that dose not mean only in pain or sex or discipline or bondage etc etc...

and in "my" opinion spanking uses that power /controle dynamic to work.

~ dena

[Kyra]

Ok I've read everyones comments and they make sence.

However now wondering myself. Where does Master/Mistriss and slave fit in. I assumed that is part of BDSM but it is not in the genral names and everytime I look its is not listed under the same thing. I think what I find difficult is finding slave themes with spanking. Incredibly hard alot of the stuff is just hardcore BDSM with people doing things that are a bit much for me.

[Billy Wizz]

Hi dena and Kyra

I know, what you mean dena about laughing at the question. And you are right some extent it one of those "what came first the chicken or the egg" questions that doesn't have a real answer. Maybe in a moment of madness I thought it would something interesting to discuss.

I think my opinion is similar to yours dena .

I see it as a specialisation of BDSM. It is clearly part of the Dominance and Submission scene but it seems to draw a different crowd of people some of which feel uncomfortable with main stream BDSM. Like you say these people have their own habitual inclination to the spanking scene and the spanking scene alone making it a kink in it own right.

I'm one of those people that has that been into the spanking scene since I can't remember when, but when I first used the internet spanking sites simply didn't exist and the only place that my kink fitted into was the few BDSM sites that were then about. It seemed natural to join one of these. Thankfully I seemed to fit in to there little world with no problem at all and found extentions to my spanking kink. Being on BDSM sites certainly broadened my thinking and allowed me to pick and choose what I liked and didn't like in the BDSM scene. It was only with the formation of usernet group alt.sex.spanking that spanking started to get it's own identity on the internet and early sites like this came along. So I guess that why I see the Spanking and BDSM as similar. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble.

Turning to Kyra's point.

The Master/Mistriss and slave side of BDSM fits into the Spanker/spankee relationship of the Spanking scene. Although there is no real slave themes, i.e I don't think many, if any, spankers would order their spankee to kneel at there feet while they watch TV etc, there is an understanding between a Spanker and a Spankee that there are rules and boundaries that once crossed can result in a spanking. So there are rules and conventions about expected behaviour just as there is in a Master/Mistriss and slave relationship in BDSM. They are just not as extreme.

The one thing I would say there is a more fun side to Spanking that you often see at spanking parties that doesn't seem to exist as much in BDSM. BDSM seems much darker and more controlling.

Billy

[StripesTO]

Why is it that we always have to label ourselves and then sub classify? It seems we have to attach ourselves to some category and then find our place within it.

I am ME and happy to be so. I love spanking... I am ME who loves spanking in all its forms. I confess to knowing absolutely nothing about BDSM and have no inclination to find out! Hooray and total respect for those who consider spanking part of BDSM. If that fits for you, then it is so.


I think when you grow comfortable in who you are and what works and doesn't for you it is easier to discard the labels. In the meantime...I'm still happy to be just ME that likes spanking!

I say who cares where spanking fits... spend more time enjoying who you are and less time worrying about what you are. In my opinion if you do that the labels will take care of themselves and it will not matter in the slightest where spanking fits!

Stripes.

[Billy Wizz]

Welcome to the site Stripes

I guess the answer to your question is that we are tribal pack animals and we like to be in little groups of people where we fill comfortable. So wanting to know where you fit is just part human nature.

In any case it something to talk about between spanking lovely bottoms.

Billy

[StripesTO]

Thanks for the welcome Billy.

You are right about us wanting to fit into groups. I am happy to be part of this group and already feel comfortable!



Stripes.