MySpankingForum.com  

Go Back   myspankingforum.com Forums > Forum List > Main Forum

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-19-2006, 10:30 AM
sarah thorne's Avatar
sarah thorne sarah thorne is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 289
Safewords

In the interest of discussion, I wanted to ask about safewords.

Do you have a specific word you use when playing?

Is it different when playing with an actual partner vs someone you don't know well? (Let me expand on this one more) -- with actual partners we may trust them to stretch our limits a bit farther than we would someone we don't know well, such as at a spanking party or someone we've only met a few times.

Also, do you have a safeword for play and discipline?
*****************************************

I will answer my own question.

Altho I realize that this is probably against the norm, RG and I do not use/have a safeword. However, we are a r/l live-in DD/D/s couple and not partners who meet up primarily for spanking purposes. Altho some have alluded that it is foolish to NOT have a safeword, in our case, we have agreed to it for several reasons.

1) Because we are a live in, everyday r/l couple, RG knows my common reactions to a wide variety of things. He is actually incredibly attentive, noticing things about me that I thought were so subtle that NO ONE noticed. This carries over into our 'spanking' as well. He stops when he gets the sense that perhaps the way I am acting is not quite the norm.

2) To add to #1, in the rare occasion that I have had to stop a play session, all I've had to do is say 'Stop!' or 'something's wrong!' --- while 'stop' probably isn't a good word to use in urgency, RG has and does recognize the change in my voice when the matter is urgent. It tends to follow my body language. Sometimes it's been something as simple as my pulling on the cuffs so hard that my thumb has gone numb. When my arms have been tied above my head (as I lie on my back or belly) for a long period of time, they begin to ache and I will simply say so. If an implement has wrapped (not often this happens, but it has with the prison strap on occasion and, more oftent, with the tawse) I'll just yell out, "you're wrapping!' and he will adjust himself.

3) This may be controversial to some, but RG (and I grudgingly agree ) does not believe that there should be a safeword in a true discipline situation. Therefore, if I am being disciplined for something (a rare occurence and which is a serious matter between us and NOT in any way play or desireable) then there is no 'stopping' it cuz it is going beyond my limits in ability to cope.

I'll let RG expand on this if he chooses (and I'll bet he will ) but the combination of knowing me the way he does, how I react, what those reactions mean, as well as being deliberately keenly aware in such a situation contributes to our decision to forgo a safeword and have the decision completely in his hands as to when I have been properly disciplined.

This does not mean that he will not and does not stop if I indicate to him that there is something seriously wrong besides the spanking being painful, as it is intended.

So there ya have it -- you'll find at times that I am quite a long winded person.

sarah
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-19-2006, 11:03 AM
Evan
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
The better you know someone, the less need there is for safe words. If you are acting out a scene with someone you are not very intimate with, safe words are absolutely essential. After all, we play in an environment where 'no' often means 'yes' and where 'please stop' usually means just the opposite.

I like to use 2 levels of safewords, a red light & a yellow light if you will. The yellow light is something that might actually be said in the context of the scene (mercy, perhaps). It means "I don't want to stop, but I need a break or change". The red light is something that would not be said as part of the scene (parsnips? rutabaga?). It means "You must stop right now!" & must be honored.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-19-2006, 01:55 PM
MichiganHeadmaster's Avatar
MichiganHeadmaster MichiganHeadmaster is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Southfield, MI
Posts: 186
What you said makes perfect sense, sarah. My policy is to have a safeword (yellow/red) available when there is bondage. However, no one has ever had to safeword because I build in so many pauses and checks that the safeword ended up being a redundant backup. I've sooner released bonds (or just backed off on intensity) just becuase I detected that the sub needed it (or said so).

When there is no bondage (OTK spanking, for example), the opportunity for red/yellow is still there but is not as critical (if she gets up, that would be a clue she's had enough, and I've always stopped before that has ever happened).
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-19-2006, 07:28 PM
aurora's Avatar
aurora aurora is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 239
You know, I know it's not the "right" way, but I just can't bring myself to use safewords. I've taken so much grief for it, and I do understand the point of them, honestly I do. Nonetheless, when someone starts talking about them, I immediately tune myself out. I just don't want that last thread of control. I can't feel as if I've actually submitted if I can impose my will at any point merely by speaking a word.

I tell myself that it's okay because I would never interact with a Dom I didn't trust completely. Of course, reality has shown that it's not always the case and I have gotten myself into a bad situation or two where I should've used one. It just doesn't matter, I still can't bring myself to do it.

I figure if it's a health or danger concern, then even in the throws of whatever is occuring, then I should just as easily be able to say "you're breaking my arm!" as I could try to remember that the safeword was "pineapple", or whatever. BUT, that's just me... I'm by no means suggesting other people should follow my lead.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-19-2006, 11:22 PM
RG_'s Avatar
RG_ RG_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA-Kentucky
Posts: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah thorne View Post
I'll let RG expand on this if he chooses (and I'll bet he will...
Indeed! But I'll wait until I have more time and energy for an extended reply.
__________________
RG of PAS
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-19-2006, 11:48 PM
spanked~amber's Avatar
spanked~amber spanked~amber is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: Texas
Posts: 520
Safeword ? Whats a safeword ? Lol, just kidding. I'm in agreement with Sarah and Aurora. I have never used a safeword. Sorry to sound repetitive, but for true discipline or motivation it would defeat the purpose if I got to call the shots and end my own discomfort. I also agree though that this decision has come with a huge amount of trust. I do believe that for some spankee's the idea of having a safeword is a bit of security. I just know that for me, once in that truly submissive state, safewords seem so foreign to me. Just my two pennies worth...
__________________
Happy spanking,
Amber
http://www.amberpaddledpink.com
http://www.sassypaddles.com
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-20-2006, 12:25 AM
BlackVelvet007 BlackVelvet007 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New York NY
Posts: 1,276
In the interest of wanting to play again, I've always left the OPTION for safewords open (with "yellow" and "red" being the most common). I'm usually empathic enough during a scene that they aren't needed, but the option for their use should be there.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-20-2006, 07:30 AM
RG_'s Avatar
RG_ RG_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA-Kentucky
Posts: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackVelvet007 View Post
In the interest of wanting to play again, I've always left the OPTION for safewords open (with "yellow" and "red" being the most common).
When I've been in situations where a safeword has been in place, I've always used "safeword" as the safeword. I figure if they actually need to use it--has never happened--that it will be the easiest thing for them to think of.
__________________
RG of PAS
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-20-2006, 09:48 AM
Rafa Rafa is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 14
I think safewords are a must in the getting-to-know-you phase ( it's a clear expression of the trust needed in such encounters) but, as has been mentioned above, partners who know each other well can perceive when things need to slow down or pause so safewords aren't as necessary then. I'm giggling a little at the idea of a woman over my lap stammering the word "pinapple" while I spank her!
Rafa
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-20-2006, 10:10 AM
sarah thorne's Avatar
sarah thorne sarah thorne is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 289
Thanks for the replies!

To be honest, I am actually surprised at the amount of people who agree with me! On other boards, there are those who stress that, regardless of who is involved in play, safewords are a MUST in case of emergency. Then they usually go on to state that any Top/Dom against one isn't really looking out for the bottom and go into a myriad of 'what if' scenarios that could chase someone away from ever playing again!

I've heard stories of Doms refusing to stop cuz the bottom didn't say the safeword just exactly right (i.e., they yelled "Pineapples" inside of "Pineapple") - but it is my opinion that these Doms were probably arrogant assholes to begin with....

I digress.

I am of the mentality of aurora -- I could yell out 'the cuffs are cutting into my wrists!' as easily, and probably easier, than remembering 'pineapple'.

I can tell you, that even when playing with someone who does not know me well, I have NO problem with letting them know in no uncertain terms that it's time to stop, if it is. (Of course, being a committed sub to RG, deciding when it's time to stop is not a luxury I have ) I don't need to say "pineapple" to get that across -- as a matter of fact, it seems that the ridiculous words some people use would psychologically give the impression to the bottom that IF you did indeed use the word when something was wrong, that it's somehow 'silly'. Does that make sense?

****************

In the argument FOR mandatory use of safewords in every situation regardless of how well you know someone, I have heard that sometimes in subspace or such that communicating to your Top that something is wrong would be hard and therefore a safeword will come in handy. I would actually think, that recalling a word unrelated to the situation (pineapple) and which you rarely utter even in an appropriate context, would be MUCH harder.

Am I beating a dead horse?

Which brings me to my next thought.....perhaps I will start another thread!

sarah
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:02 AM.


Copyright © 2020 MySpankingForum.com, All Rights Reserved