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Old 12-17-2012, 10:44 PM
freed_dragonfly freed_dragonfly is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Warning: Signs to Look for When Meeting with a New Top

I cannot give out precise information on who hurt me… names, username, location, blog. For all you know they aren’t even on this site. I am posting this exact message to a number of places…. One I know they are on but the rest not. But it isn’t necessary to know who they are. This warning goes out to ANY bottom that is looking to get into a spanking relationship with anyone… man, woman, or couple.

Starting about 3 years ago I met with a couple in the spanking community. They were nice, great disciplinarians and fun spankers. But everything wasn’t as good as it seemed and it took me a long time to recognize that fact. They used mind games with me to trick me into doing sexual favors for them. “We did things to help you… we made you feel good… don’t you want to do the same for us?” Even though I was disgusted by what they asked me to do I felt compelled… after all… they had done so much for me. And I put my foot down on certain things. I wouldn’t let him anally or vaginally have sex with me and I wouldn’t give him a blow job. They respected that so I figured that they were good people. I hated doing the things I did… especially the first night when they woke me up at 3:00 AM with his penis in my hand with orders to give my first ever hand job. It was the first time I had ever seen a penis in real life, they knew I had an aversion to it, and had promised to work with me at my own pace and time with introducing that into our relationship. I wasn’t given that chance. That should have been my first clue and I should have left first thing in the morning. Unfortunately I wanted to believe in them, and I didn’t want my parents to tell me “I told you so” and so I stayed.

When you are starting out with someone new… watch for these signs. If they ask you to do something you’re uncomfortable with just to “even things out” it isn’t right! It is technically sexual assault. If they force sex on you… it is technically rape. Get out of the situation immediately, please! Don’t do what I did and stay with them for months on end. It’s traumatizing and will take forever to get images and feelings out of your head.

If this has already happened to you I found a type of therapy that greatly helps. It sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus… I held no hope in it going into it. But two sessions later I no longer would have memories assault me in the middle of teaching a class. I only think about it when I am telling someone about what happened to me. It is called EMDR training… Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It is for post traumatic stress disorder which this type of abuse causes. I highly suggest you give it a try, no matter how silly it sounds.

I wish I could tell you who hurt me so you would never go to them but between the rules of the site and the fact that the people are blackmailing me, I cannot. Just take this into consideration and watch for these signs with whomever you choose to work with because if one couple could do this… there have to be many more out there who are willing to do the same. Maybe you’re one of those people who WANTS to give sexual favors in return… if so… more power to you. But there are a lot of us out there who don’t want that and we shouldn’t feel forced to. Please just be careful in your searches. It wasn’t something I even realized was happening to me until I talked to another girl that they did the same things to… only worse. She WAS raped. That’s when I realized they had been playing me for months on end and that I had to get away. Thankfully I did. Don’t let months go by for you. Be more vigilant than I was.
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Old 01-06-2013, 03:33 PM
Erika Erika is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
Edmr

Ive tried EDMR and Im glad it worked for you. Though different circumatances than yours I tried that but it wasnt much use.So sad it turned out that way for you.ERIKA
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