Crying

[spanked~amber]

Originally Posted by Adelina

Hmm. The bawl-like-a-baby deal has always been a part of my fantasies. It's a very attractive element to me, turns me on if someone tells me that's their plan for me. I wonder why I'm so different? I feel like I must be missing something!

Maybe it's because I don't do discipline? That it isn't directly connected to pesky emotions?

Adelina, I'm just wondering, and just tell me to mind my own beeswax if you may- Do you choose to not be spanked for discipline or has it just not happened as of yet ? I know everyone has their own spanking desires here and for some that means spanking only for pleasure, while others like myself need both kinds. Ok all, a confession I do need to feel like someone gives a flip about my staying in line so to speak, lol. Anyway, if this is a choice that you don't do discipline spankings, is it because of the vulnerability issue as Sarah has mentioned ? Or does the whole idea of being submisive in that way turn you off ? Inquiring minds wanna know.

[Adelina]

Originally Posted by spanked~amber

Adelina, I'm just wondering, and just tell me to mind my own beeswax if you may- Do you choose to not be spanked for discipline or has it just not happened as of yet ? I know everyone has their own spanking desires here and for some that means spanking only for pleasure, while others like myself need both kinds. Ok all, a confession I do need to feel like someone gives a flip about my staying in line so to speak, lol. Anyway, if this is a choice that you don't do discipline spankings, is it because of the vulnerability issue as Sarah has mentioned ? Or does the whole idea of being submisive in that way turn you off ? Inquiring minds wanna know.

Excellent question! Thanks for asking.

I am entirely uninterested in discipline, Amber. It never crossed my mind in the decades I was growing up and fantasizing about spanking; it was always about excitement, thrill, and, as I got older, sex. I actually have quite good problem-solving skills and a knack for self-reflection. Though it takes me time to work through all my mental cogs and gears and figure things out, I find that much more satisfying than simply having someone tell me the solution. That makes me feel constricted, rather than secure. If I am in bad space, in a "down" as a result of my challenging anxiety disorder, I feel much more comfortable being left alone and resent attempts to butt in and "help."

When I immersed myself into this online scene and discovered that such a lifestyle [DD] existed, I was at first quite appalled and thought all these women needed help! I now know better. But, I tried to make myself want discipline, because I had this sense that if I didn't go for the discipline, I'd 1) not find a partner, and 2) not be considered a "real" spanko. So, I tried. And tried. And while I got extremely pissed off, angry, resentful, and ended up fed up with spanking altogether, I never got all these warm fuzzy feelings that people say discipline gives them. Might be my upbringing [supremely perfectionist with no forgiveness ever in sight], might just be my personality type [methodical and analytical].

While spanking is my primary focus and I adore it, I think in intent, I have more in common with the wider BSDM community in terms of the eroticism I associate with spanking. I love black leather, locks and chains [not necessarily being IN them!], and pain for its own sake. I like my play very intense, and then when the scene is done, equilibrium is restored. I am now able to go about it without having it all about sex, but my primary goals are still recreational and sensual, not behavioral.

Crying is a loaded thing for sure. For me crying only can come if both psychological and physical things are present. If i am being punished, i can start to cry even before I am spanked, because of how I feel about what is going to happen or because of what I did. Sometimes after a long, hard spanking I cry after, sometimes even after the spanker leaves...i am not sure if it is the let down or what. I wish I would cry more often cause I like that release.

[MichiganHeadmaster]

Veronica, I love pics of teary-eyed girls after a spanking. Hope you allow a few of those to be caught and posted on your site.

[Veronica Daniels]

I tend to cry a bit when spanked. Many people have asked me how I do it and why I do it. Crying during a spanking is hard for me to really put into words. I definitely cry because of the pain. Dr. D's hand spankings are worse than anyone can imagine, and when he wields the paddle, OMG!

The combination of pain and being verbally disciplined for something I did that disappointed him is the combo that brings the tears on for me. Knowing I let him down or disappointed him brings on the tears, and the pain of the implement just pushes it over the edge.

I don't like crying during a spanking, however it is just something that happens and it is often a really good release. I do not like it when I am told that I am going to be made to cry, then I get defiant and try really hard not to and then very often don't because of that. Then the spanking is less effective because I was focusing on not crying instead of the spanking.
And, it is a lot less enjoyable for me as well.

I do like to be comforted after a spanking when I have been crying. That always feesl very nice!

Best-
Veronica Daniels

[spanked~amber]

Originally Posted by Veronica Daniels

I tend to cry a bit when spanked. Many people have asked me how I do it and why I do it...

The combination of pain and being verbally disciplined for something I did that disappointed him is the combo that brings the tears on for me. Knowing I let him down or disappointed him brings on the tears, and the pain of the implement just pushes it over the edge...

Best-
Veronica Daniels

Ditto and well said Veronica.

[nightowl]

For me, it depends on the reason I'm being spanked......obviously most times I'm not getting spanked for being a bad girl <smile> so I don't usually cry. However,I do cryif I am being disciplined/punished, or unusally stressed and have requested a "spanking to tears" ......very rarely do I REALLY cry (sob). Crying makes me feel cleansed/forgiven and is a hugh emotional release for me when I'm stressed.

rying also puts me in a vulnerable place.......so that is another reason why I don't usually cry during most spanking. Only those whom I trust enough to discipline me, "destress" me would ever have access to that vulnerability to begin with..

[iggy]

I have absolutely zero desire to cry during a spanking (and I just hope that I don't when it happens). Crying makes my face go all blotchy, my eyes swell up, I get all congested so I can't breathe, and I get a headache. That is not my idea of a cleansing feeling at all! No thanks! Boo on crying!

I'm another that doesn't have a desire for discipline. For a long time I kept thinking that I was wrong and just didn't understand what I really wanted and tried to talk myself into the discipline thing because everyone I encountered seemed to think that discipline was the only way to go or that was the only way to be a "true" spanko or that only discipline spankings were "real" spankings. I even ventured down the path in trying to find an online Top and found that when I had people trying to top me that I really resented it. Who were they to be telling me what I could or could not do? It didn't help matters that mainly they were doing it for purposes to suit their interests and what was good for me or my feelings didn't really seem to matter. I've definitely been soured on the whole discipline side of spanking, but for the most part it doesn't appeal to me anyhow.

When I think of spanking I think of it as something fun and sexy and a happy thing. I like the playful banter and stuff.

I do find that online, people just tend to assume that you want/need discipline and it does get tedious, especially when people look at you like you are some sort of alien when you say you don't want a discipline spanking and have no desire for one.

Now there are definitely parts of the discipline side of things that have great appeal to me like the caring and nurturing and someone noticing you and actually caring about what is going on in your life side of things. And, of course, I do tend to find that dominant personality rather sexy. So, of course that just leads me in circles.

Who the heck knows what I ultimately want?

But...I still don't want to cry and for now (and maybe forever) I just want spanking to be something fun and sexy and flirty and not have dark scary disciplinary connotations. I like that the thought of spanking makes me smile and not cringe.

[Gary D.]

Originally Posted by MichiganHeadmaster

I meet one woman monthly for discipline spankings (her husband won't provide them, as he can't bring himself to "hurt" her). We've meet three times; the last two for specific infractions. She resisted up to the end but the combination of harshness and scolding put her over the edge. She absolutely hated admitted she cried, though, and hid her face as long as possible.

Another girl I played with wanted to experience release, and had previously resisted all the way. Took tying her down over a table, and then three dozen strokes with a braided belt to bring her over the edge, and then the floodgates opened. She alternately cursed me out and thanked me for days afterward.

Other than that, no, but then I've only spanked around 8 or 9 girls total.

I would have to agree with your comments about the harshness and scolding - combined with the prescribed discipline - as being the key MH. It appears that the most common mistake made is that many spankers feel that by merely increasing the vigor, intensity or number of strokes the crying/release will be brought about. Perhaps this does work on some but I feel it is more a combination of the total setting and session. I know a woman that will break down at hearing she will get the hairbrush ( no doubt due to the fact that it used for discipline only and not play) I once brought a young lady to tears with nothing more than 12 sharp strokes of the cane. Another lady braved very well a severe paddling only to lose her composure and break down upon being sent to the corner.

Gary D.

[persephone]

yes, exactly, i think that a really physically difficult punishment, for a lot of people including me, gets you focused on getting through it. there has to be an emotional component for tears to be activated.

adelina, i don't think that you're alone. i like the idea of crying too, maybe even bawling over a lap. i don't know if i'd want someone to tell me that that's what their plan is... that sounds a bit scary to me. but knowing that they would get something out of it if i did cry, like darkforest mentioned, is nice. i think it indicates that the experience is something they take seriously, and that they are interested in your authentic reactions, and that they are looking for an intense and immersive experience.