Styles of communication

[kaylex]

I have a new friend that I have been talking to for a few week now and through talking major differences in Communication have surfaced so i wanted to see what other people thought.

When asked about what I like (in this case it was pertaining to spanking) I don't really have a specific answer. i definately know what I don't like. and I realize some people have things that send them into great headspace when they have it... but I just don't. I'm not trying to be elusive or vague I just don't have a strong opinion on it. if I don't like something I'll tell you (right paully?) but as far as loving something.. the most I can come up with is I LOVE SPANKING! Any one else ever feel this way? I mean I have definate opinions on other things in life, it's not that I live in an indecisive exsistance.

Then we have the whole can you ask for a spanking. Can I.....ummm yes I am physically able to. Will I, never on my own will! If I know the other person really wants me to... well I can probably get it out but...... wow that's so out of how I normally operate. But spanking is a give and take so I can oblige but it's not going to be easy.... anyone else ever wrestled with that?

Also it was brought up that I am never the first person to bring up spanking in our conversations. And honestly I find it EASY to share about spanking when writing but I find it really hard to talk about. Why is that? I think it's because I want to (consentually) feel taken and the more imput I have into it the more I feel like I'm controlling it... But I would love to hear others feelings on it. i know I'm not the only one out there!

Ok So that's it, what do you think?
Kaylex

[sandy_richards]

I went to a spanking party recently and a man asked me that - "So, what do you like?" It was the first thing he said to me after "hello." The longer I'm in this lifestyle, the less I like that question. The biggest problem with it is the longer I'm in this lifestyle, the less I know what I like - at least in 20 words or less.

It was easy when I was first spanked in real life several years ago. I liked what I had fantasized about - discipline. But the more involved I got in real life, the more I experienced...spanking for discipline, spanking for fun, spanking for submission, spanking for eroticism, spanking as foreplay, spanking with a lover, spanking with a close friend, spanking with a stranger.

"What do you like?" isn't an easy question. I like a lot of things, some I never dreamed I'd like, some I never knew existed. The longer I live with this in my life, the more I change, the more what I like changes and the more it becomes just one facet of my life and who I am.

That's another reason why I don't like that question - "What do you like?" I like someone who makes me laugh and I like making other people laugh, I like kind people, I like going to movies and I like going to restaurants, I like ordering pizza in, getting into comfy clothes and watching a DVD, I like music, I like spending time with friends, I like reading the kind of book that keeps you awake until 2 a.m., and I like being spanked...not necessarily in that order.

I like spanking being an integral part of my life, but not the only part. I like being open to new things, spanko things and vanilla things, and I like meeting someone who asks what I like and wants to hear the full, complicated answer...in time. That's what I like...for now.

[Jean-Paul]

I like spanking,a lot...I like to be spanked and I also like to spank,butt..
I mostly like being spanked.I am also finding the more I am into this,
the more I am finding out new things I like that I never thought I would before.
I am discovering myself all the time.I didn't think I would have liked to
be flogged,say last year,but now I find I love being flogged all over,butt,
back,thighs,chest...And I am really loving the cane more and more,too.
I am also discovering that I can take more pain than I ever thought I
could have taken before.It doesn't bother me to bare my butt to a room
full of strangers at a party either,something I could have never done,
say a year ago.I guess my inhibitions are going away,the more I meet
like minded people.Of course I have hid all this for 30 years and now
I have a new freedom that I have never had and it is a wonderful
feeling and I feel I can't get enough.

Being more comfortable with writing about it as opposed to talking
to someone face to face about it probably goes back to the fear of
being judged weird or strange by the person you are looking at.
When you write about it,you don't have to look into someones eyes
and wonder what they are thinking of you at the time.At least for me..

But with all the new friends that I have made here,I don't have a
problem talking to someone about it anymore,cause they are just
like me,or similar,and post like this bring that gap closer together.
Finding out more of what other people like, makes one discover ones
own hidden desires and needs.
I just wish I had discovered all this years ago and thats probably why
I am now jumping in with both feet,I feel I have a lot of catching up
to do.
I would love to hear everybody's likes and dislikes on this subject..

Jean-Paul

Dear Kalex, I was fortunate enough to spank you at the last Shadow Lane party. Unfortunately we ran out of time before I could give you a second spanking. The suite hosts closed up shop. I'm hoping for next time? As to the question {what do you like? ], we Tops, are so conditioned, especially at parties, not to do anything to scare bottoms. So taking charge with smeone new, is very challenging. Having met/spanked you, I know you're not the type that scares easily, and that you can take a hard spanking. Unfortunately, the only safe way as a Top to keep from doing something that might get you ostracised, or even banned, is to ask questions which take away a lot of the spontaneity. I wish we all had telepathy, at least as far as spanking is concerned! I like giving just about any/every type of spanking; so the only way to have a mutually enjoyed scene, is to find out what a bottom doesn't like, or is afraid of. So, I think us Tops should skip the "what do you like question" and simply ask, "what don't you want /like." Then we should go ahead and take charge! After all [ assuming we're sane ], we're supposed to be the Tops! Right?! LOL, Doug P