Terms Of Endearment

[jerseysweet]

I have to be honest, when someone in a dominant role (top, spanker, Dom, whatever the term is that you prefer), who I do not know and have a friendship with, uses a term such as "sweetie" or "honey" I feel a little offended.

From people I know and care about, it's not an issue, but if someone I don't know where to come up to me and say "Hello young lady" I'd probably walk away or "You look like a naughty little girl". It's the same as you wouldn't go up and hug someone you didn't know. I think terms of endearment should be saved for people who you care about and who care about you.

My often often refers to me as: love, hon, sweetie, etc. When he introduces me to his friends he says "This is my girl _____" and I'm not offended. I am his girl. I am a girl, there are no two ways around that, but that doesn't mean I am not a woman. I am a girl, that is my gender although "My girl" is a term of endearment, in how he uses it. Or he also often introduces me as his "sweetie". These all make me smile and my eyelashes flutter and I feel very loved. If a stranger or someone that I just started talking to online started using these terms, I would not only be a tad offended, but a little creeped out.

While spanking me he often calls me "girl" - similar to "young lady" as in "Stop fidgeting girl" or "Feet down, girl" and it's just our form of "young lady" (which he uses as well).

At the same time I am very much a woman, and his partner, and I never feel insulted by these terms. There are also lots of close friends of mine who I don't mind when they use these terms.

Being told "Good girl" when I've done something good wouldn't be a bad thing, but if it was the common answer, I'd start to feel like a dog or other animal. My boyfriend often says "I'm proud of you" or "You make me proud" or something, although if he's spanking me and I do as I'm told he softly says "Now that's a good girl" or "Good girl"

On another note - I use terms of endearment as well. There are a few very close older female mentors in my life who I sometimes call my other mom and refer to as Mama sometimes. I often (90% of the time) refer to my boyfriend as daddy. Even outside of "scenes" I'll usually say "Thank you daddy" or to get his attention "daddy!" (if we're not around people). While being spanked it is either daddy or sir - although I often use sir more often than daddy unless I am feelin' little. And often I refer to him as my man or the boss. To each their own.

Very fascinating as everyone has a different take on it, just like spanking, because of personal preferences.

[aurora]

It's not just men who get in trouble for this. Happens to me occasionally, too.

I have a tendancy to call everyone "love", "hon", or something along those lines. Not strangers, of course. They mostly always get "Sir" or "Ma'am", especially in vanilla life situations. In D/s situations, I'm a "yes, Sir" girl. That only applies for MY Dom, or Tops/Doms whom have earned my respect, though... The others are likely to get a pet name or something akin to "love" and "hon".

It's NEVER meant as disrespect or insult, and never intended as condenscending. It's just an unconscious message of familiarity and affection when formal titles are inappropriate, or unexpected.

You're right, though. Some people do take offense to it. I've been called to task on it a few times. I'm always stunned, and a little hurt by the vehement reaction to my warm gesture. It's just because my head doesn't work that way, so I can't quite fathom it. I've just got to try and remember who takes offense so I can respect their opinion, and pray I don't step on any toes.

[Spankable Suzy]

I feel that endearments such as the ones BV mentioned are not only affectionate but also helpful in adding to the experience for me. It helps put me in a softly submissive space that is very comforting.

As the replies thus far seem to show, it really depends on the person involved but for me, the spanker/spankee connection would be lacking without this verbal additive.

Suzy

[Adelina]

Goodness, the debate that's gotten on just from me blurting out a comment to BV. It's amazing what a few words can do. (And yes, if ya didn't know, it was me! Nice of him not to say so though.) In no way did I mean to imply that there is anything wrong with the saying "good girl" in itself; I just don't care for its use with me. Makes me feel like a dog that just did a trick. Other terms don't get under my skin quite as much as that one does.

For me, context is a big part of it. There's a difference between being in a scene and playing, vs. having casual conversation. I'm down with all the spanko terms within the context of play, when it adds to the atmosphere; but not necessarily when I'm just being myself and talking with someone. Unlike others who make this a lifestyle, I like to keep a clear distinction between being in- and out-of-character, since being a bottom isn't "me" but rather a role that I slip into in order to relax and have fun.

Some of it simply comes down to personality typing. According to some of my co-workers, I am "cold" in nature. I don't like people hugging or touching me, and if they do, I will shrug them off and ask them not to do it again, which they find offensive. After all, they were trying to be nice! To me, they were thinking about what they wanted, not what I might be open to. Any silly names like honey or sweetheart just make me want to claw my eyes out. They are so demeaning! They are things you say to children, and though I may like to emulate one in play, I'm no child. I have resigned myself to allowing a particular sountherner to call me "sugar," and have become cozy with it, but it isn't something that is natural to me; I have to work at it and kind of talk myself through it.

Here's the problem I run into sometimes: I get easily riled up about all manner of things; it's part of the disorder I live with every day. I have worked hard at training myself to try and let things go when they are not that big of a deal (though they may seem like it to me) or if the person doesn't mean anything negative. I've improved a lot. However, sometimes, in trying to let things slide, really inside, it's sort of stacking up on top of itself, and then one fair night when I'm a little too tired to think about what I'm doing, something rubs me the wrong way and I snap. Or it could even be something that I -was- okay with, but am just not in the mood for at the moment. And then I'm frustrated with myself, because I had tried so hard to hold it in knowing it would be stupid to say anything about it.

Perhaps if I went and lived alone in a cave.....

[kaylex]

Honestly I think alot of us have names that make us cringe that make other people feel loved and cared for. Personnally I don't like "good girl" or "bad girl" I don't know why. I don't really care. And although I generally give the person the benifit of the doubt I do get a little bratty when some one uses a name I don't like.

Just me-
kaylex

(however if some one uses the term and I KNOW they know better.... I'll elbow them in the ribs)

[teefortexas]

She bites too. Kaylex is a bad girl and she should be spanked (giggle).

Name Withheld

[naughty1_f_32]

I for one love being referred to as a good girl/naughty girl/ sweety/etc. I like being able to escape my adult career life and turn into a simple controlled person, someone who doesn't have to be concerned with all of the pressure, or so called status thing. This giving up control, and being rewarded with a good girl for the simplest thing is what I crave. I spend 90% of my life looking for commendation and only rarely receive it, but here I can be a good girl so simply or a naughty girl and soon have slate wiped clean after a good hard spanking. I can only speak for me personally, but these things are what I look for in a top/dom/spanker whichever.

[Kyra]

If someone said good girl to me, after being totally shocked I'd be so happy.

I wouldn't mind. I guess it depends how it sounds but I'm sure you say it in a non sarcastic way.

I think the world is far too PC at the moment. I wruffled my friends hair one time playfully and was scolded for it by someone else.
I think effectionate names are nice and makes us more human. Makes us feel more human too. When people call me "hun" it's nice. Makes me feel special.

Then again their are some names even on here *laughs* I personally dislike to be called.

[qttink22]

I would absolutely love to be addressed that way because to me, it indicates a warmness and maybe even a protectiveness, kind of in the sense that the person who called me that has "taken me under his wing." I love that feeling and definitely would consider it a term of endearment.