Safewords

[Adelina]

When I've used a safeword, it's usually because I was hyperventilating and getting dizzy. But I think my emotions have gotten in the way at least once as well. There is always the possibility, say in a roleplay, that some subterranean memory will be jarred loose and necessitate pause, or even that one's feelings may get jilted in the midst of well-intentioned banter, as happened to me once (though I chose to go on rather than safewording, which may not have been the right decision).

I've been in a situation with someone who didn't respond to the safeword because I didn't say it right. I said "mercy" instead of "mercy Mister." I thought that was a dippy safeword anyhow, since the purpose of a safeword is to stop the scene, to go out-of-character if you will, and "Mister" is an in-character term. Does that make sense? Anyway, I've decided that I reserve the right to choose my own safeword, or at least be comfortable with the one that's put forth. I'm the one that has to be able to remember and use it. He's the one in charge of the scene, so he should have the wherewithal to recognize a safeword when it pops out and respond appropriately.

I understand how couples in relationships become so familiar with one another that they just know how to read each other's signals, and I think that's a good thing. In that case, or in the case where someone feels like having a safeword is retaining too much control, remember that if something's wrong, you can always just say so: I found that "I think I'm going to pass out" ends a scene very quickly. And even if discipline is taking place, there are certain things like the smell of smoke, a crying infant, or an asthma attack, which I would hope most people would agree are grounds for stopping.