An Inner Storm

[scarlet_ribbons]

She stood by the window looking out at the river, the rain had stopped, but she felt like a storm was about to be set loose within her. She lowered her eyes and felt tears stream down her cheeks, warm, wet and seeming ceaseless. She had not meant to offend or make him angry, she liked him and wanted him to like her… but that was her first mistake.

Liking someone can slowly turn to more and more was something she couldn’t afford to let happen, not now, not ever again. The fact that she trusted him as much as she did so early in their friendship frightened her a little and made her realize that she should have pulled back sooner. How could she have been so careless?

She knew now that no matter what happened or what she felt, she’d go through with what he wanted to do, perhaps she was deserving of it, perhaps he was being creative in stating that she’d been impertinent and needed to be punished.

The feelings it invoked in her when he told her what he planned to do the next time she visited him were a little un-nerving. Part of her longed for him to do just as he said he would, but another part of her wanted to run and hide, to cry because she didn’t want it to happen. Not because she was afraid of it hurting, she was use to pain and had often pondered on the reasons for her liking to be spanked.

Was it that deep down she thought she was less than she should be and thus deserved to be punished? Or was it more than that? Was this now the only true means she had of feeling something between her and a man? She had been hurt so many times in the past and built up so many protective walls, that for a time there she couldn’t feel anything at all.

She was a dreamer; she loved words and creating a scene to her liking either on paper or within her imagination. This inspired her to write more, but it also increased her longing for something she knew she would never have… true happiness!

She decided long ago that she’d do the best she could and not count on anyone to be there for her, because in the end they wouldn’t be and she’d have to rely on herself. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sighed! Yes, she would do as he asks, she will be a good little girl and she will keep the storm within as she always had.

And now, she knew that she had to be more careful of her emotions, she needed to be watchful of herself or she may open up a part of herself that she needed to hold close and safe.

Soon enough it would be time to go to him, to be what it is she hoped he wanted from her. She would do his bidding; she would please him and do her best to pleasure him. She would endure what ever punishment he gave her. But she also knew that no matter what happened, she would always hold a part of herself inside. A part of herself that no one could ever touch, perhaps her last semblance of innocence; or perhaps the dying embers of a need she had wanted her entire life.




© scarlet

[sister0163]

Ohh Wow Scarlet

yummy , we need more more and some more of this one . where are parts 2,3,4? lol great writeing ! Thankyou !

dena