Help wanted please

[Jess]

Hello,

My name is Jess and I am married to Steve. We have been spanking for about 2 years and the erotic fun side is great. However we both want to use spanking for punishment and that is not going so well. We want our household to be DD but I am not naturally submissive to him nor is he naturally dominant towards me. But this is something we are willing to work hard to achieve.

We have experimented on and off with DD for the 2 years we have been spanking so far though not very successfully as punishments spankings don't leave particularly sorry for very long, I think this is because they feel no different to fun erotic spanking.

I think we need to make a defined difference between fun and discipline spanking.

Some thoughts are

1. Different room
2. Less spanks but with more intensity (hard enough to really hurt but not cause damage)
3. Slowly given so that I can feel each - a pause between each to let it sink in
4. Made to count or say thank you for each stroke (though this might feel silly)
5. Corner time before or after
6. Different position ( something I don't like but can stay put in)
7. Being told off (we have tried this once but I kept laughing)
8. No sex at least not till much later
9. Steve to stay fully dressed
10. Maintenance spankings at the beginning of the week even if I have to have punishment or have just received one

Well these are just a few thoughts I would love to hear from any one who uses any of these things and how it works for them or if you have tried any that did not work.

Also anyone with any other suggestions i would love to hear from too.

I would really like DD to work in our home but I am not naturally submissive to Steve so I know it will be hard, but I am willing to work hard to get there.

I hope I have explained myself properly, I know what I mean but I'm not sure it comes across.

Sorry for such a long post

Hugs

Jess

[BlackVelvet007]

Howdy Jess. Very nice to meet you and great to have you online here at MSF.

First off, you should know that your situation is not uncommon. Everyone does spanking for different reasons, and sometimes when you're comfortable with one style (sensual or playful) it's hard to focus on other aspects (discipline).

I think the most important part is to look at what you want/need to be punished FOR. Bad habits like cursing or smoking? Are you trying to change aspects of your life by things like an enforced bedtime? Are there pet peeves that Steve has which you need to be held accountable for? The nature of what you need plays a big part in going about getting it.

In looking at your list of suggestions, they're ALL kinda hot But none of them would be effective in a discipline situation unless you honestly feel you're getting something useful out of it. Corner time, counting spanks, etc. doesn't necessarily enhance the discipline factor. As for verbal scolding, I'm kinda glad that failed along the line of you laughing too much. Verbal abuse can sometimes hit harder than any paddle. #8 and #9 on your list certainly don't go in conjunction with discipline (though of course they ARE fun). As for # 10, feel free to add that but again, it won't solve the initial problem.

I do think you explained your situation well. MY advice is to first take a good look at why you need discipline and what you need discipline for. From there, the pieces of how to enforce it usually come to you both a lot easier.

Very nice to meet you. Hope this helped.

[Jess]

Thank you very much for taking the time to help.

I see a long conversation and some trial and error testing in our future

Hugs

Jess

[Jess]

My intention was to have a long converstion with Steve this afternoon but I haven't managed to start the conversation.

So I emailed him and now I am going to ask him to check his email while I go clean the kitchen up from lunch.

There is about a thousand butterflies in my stomach at the moment - i just wish we had this conversation behind us.

Well here goes

[Jess]

Hello,

Well it worked and we talked and we had a maintenance spanking to renew our intent to DD and ourselves. Then we talked some more.

Yesterday was a great day.

Thanks everyone for helping

[Arianna]

I'm so happy for you (and Steve). You knew what you wanted/needed and didn't give up. Clear and direct communication works wonders, doesn't it? I believe you have just raised the bar!

When I look back over the years and how I had approached the subject, I wasn't giving my husband a complete picture. I was speaking in half sentences and just expecting him to read my mind. I (eventually) learned that that approach just didn't work. It was with the help of a few people here, at MSF, that I found the courage and the words to speak frankly and the results were staggering. I look forward to talking to you again in chat Jess!

[Batman]

Glad to know that things are going well. Something else that is just as important as the spanking in a real situation is the lecture regarding the behavior. In my experience, a good lecture will have a girl in tears before the spanking even starts. That is what really sets the tone and makes the spanking something that is to punish and forgive a misdeed versus something done because both parties enjoy it.

[Jess]

It's a work in progress but I am so pleased that I plucked up the courage to start the conversation albeit by email.

Arianna - I look forward to chat again too

[BlackVelvet007]

Sounds like you two are off to a great start. Steve's always welcome to come join us here, and we look forward to progress updates.

[Jess]

Thanks

Not sure I'll be able to get Steve to join here as he's not into forums or chat rooms on any topic, but I'll let him know there are people here ready to answer any questions he has - even if I have to ask for him