In the interest of discussion, I wanted to ask about safewords.
Do you have a specific word you use when playing?
Is it different when playing with an actual partner vs someone you don't know well? (Let me expand on this one more) -- with actual partners we may trust them to stretch our limits a bit farther than we would someone we don't know well, such as at a spanking party or someone we've only met a few times.
Also, do you have a safeword for play and discipline?
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I will answer my own question.
Altho I realize that this is probably against the norm, RG and I do not use/have a safeword. However, we are a r/l live-in DD/D/s couple and not partners who meet up primarily for spanking purposes. Altho some have alluded that it is foolish to NOT have a safeword, in our case, we have agreed to it for several reasons.
1) Because we are a live in, everyday r/l couple, RG knows my common reactions to a wide variety of things. He is actually incredibly attentive, noticing things about me that I thought were so subtle that NO ONE noticed. This carries over into our 'spanking' as well. He stops when he gets the sense that perhaps the way I am acting is not quite the norm.
2) To add to #1, in the rare occasion that I have had to stop a play session, all I've had to do is say
'Stop!' or
'something's wrong!' --- while '
stop' probably isn't a good word to use in urgency, RG has and does recognize the change in my voice when the matter is urgent. It tends to follow my body language. Sometimes it's been something as simple as my pulling on the cuffs so hard that my thumb has gone numb. When my arms have been tied above my head (as I lie on my back or belly) for a long period of time, they begin to ache and I will simply say so. If an implement has wrapped (not often this happens, but it has with the prison strap on occasion and, more oftent, with the tawse) I'll just yell out, "
you're wrapping!' and he will adjust himself.
3) This may be controversial to some, but RG (and I grudgingly agree
) does not believe that there should be a safeword in a true discipline situation. Therefore, if I am being disciplined for something (a rare occurence and which is a serious matter between us and NOT in any way play or desireable) then there is no 'stopping' it cuz it is going beyond my limits in ability to cope.
I'll let RG expand on this if he chooses (and I'll bet he will
) but the combination of knowing me the way he does, how I react, what those reactions mean, as well as being deliberately keenly aware in such a situation contributes to our decision to forgo a safeword and have the decision completely in his hands as to when I have been properly disciplined.
This does not mean that he will not and does not stop if I indicate to him that there is something seriously wrong besides the spanking being painful, as it is intended.
So there ya have it -- you'll find at times that I am quite a long winded person.
sarah