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Mike that was an excellent and clarifying post. I definitely do not see anyone here as abusers!! And if the person didn't want to stay they wouldn't.
It does seem to me that some people are out of the "play" behavior and this is more serious in the sense that the believe it helps them in some way to be a better person. But I have never confused this with being nonconsensual. Perhaps in the details it might be, but it is still consensual in the way that they have and continue to hold the relationship.
Yes I see this as a trade off of being in control to some extent. Not just of the spankee. I think this is what is highly confusing to vanillas.
Someone told me to be careful. Well yes, I am way way way careful. Since I have only one time been in any relationship that had any amt of spanking in it. Most guys I have met believe it is wrong-- I think even though (and perhaps partly because) I like it.
--liz
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