Emmy,

Well I hope I don't slay this discussion as wll with a single response but let me share some thoughts.

For many if not most of us, this kink is a big, big part of who we are.

After two failed marriages and more relationships than I care to recall....I can say with some degree of authority that the biggest obstacle to a happy partnership is one partner who doesn't accept the other for who and what they are. (Not that many of my ex's were vanilla...it was other stuff like my being gone for months at a time in the Navy...but again, that is what I did and loved for 24 years of my life.) My current wife fell in love with who I am and I can honestly say I've never been happier in my life.

It is very, very difficult for a vanilla to understand or accept us. That is not being critical or saying that they aren't good, tolerant people. But try to describe a sunset to someone who has been blind their whole life. Try to describe an Eric Clapton song to someone who was born deaf.....it just isn't in their frame of reference.

Unless a spanko has a partner who is understanding in the extreme and who puts their feelings aside, I'd say the odds of a spanko/vanilla relationship surviving the long haul is pretty remote.

That's one man's view....would love to hear from others.

Rangerboy