Welcome to the forum, wkp. Living in Chicago, you may or may not be aware that there are numerous professional doms who would be able to give you the experience you crave for a very reasonable price and with the right combination of harshness/compassion/safety you need. I knew two very good ones when I lived here but alas they are both retired now.
Of course two issues with that are 1) it would be pay for play, not a relationship, and 2) if you happened to have a preference for a male disciplinarian, the pickings would be slim even in the pro-dom arena.
If that is even remotely an option, search under Illinois on
www.maxfisch.com, then join the discussion board to look up reviews of various doms.
In any case, welcome again and good luck finding the right partner!