How do I get a spanking?
 

Hi there,

I'm new to this forum. I'm a 21 year old asian girl from Toronto. I've got this problem where my vanilla boyfriend won't spank me, not hard at least. If I do something naughty, he'll tell me that I deserve a punishment, but he won't spank me hard! He's only ever spanked me hard once before, but I bruised a lot and now he's scared to do it ever again. At most, he'll give me a few love taps.

How do I get him to spank me? I know he wants to, but he's been traumatized after what happened that time. How do I get him to not be afraid anymore? I can't show him because he refuses to even try again.

Alternatively, I'd love to know if there are any doms in the Toronto area that are looking for a willing sub. Doms are not just for spanking, but also for discipline.

Thanks all,

It's great to meet you all!

A lot of people find that when they start to be spanked that they bruise badly, however as they are spanked more and more they find they can take harder and harder spankings without bruising. The muscle in the bottom becomes more resilient to damage and the bruising deceases. You have to tell him although you bruised that the more he spanks you the less you will bruise in the future.

Try telling him you love the marks he leaves, it reminds you that you belong to him. Make it clear you don't mind.

If you love your boyfriend think before you go down this path. You seem relativity new to spanking and he is sure to see any marks on your bottom which will be hard to explain. This would result in the end of your relationship.

If spanking is more important than your current relationship then maybe you need to find someone new to give you what you want in life. Someone to love and love you back while giving you the discipline you seek

Welcome to the site and good luck in what you seek.

Billy

thanks so much billy_wizz! your comments were great. really rational, non-judgemental and intelligent. i'm definetly going to take some of the things you've said to mind. i realize a lot of it is just good communication and given your partner time to adjust. again, thanks so much!

have him start you off slowly with a nice hand warmup-progress to harder and toys from there....

Swfloridabrat is an expert in getting spanked ... so listen to her ! lol

Innocent:
SWflabrat definitely knows how to get herself spanked, and yes, long warm-ups by hand can do wonders to reduce bruising.
You might have to decide whether your fellow is a true spanking enthusiast. Some guys just cannot get past the belief that they are hurting the woman, and they can't do that. They're never going to be true spanko's.
If you believe he's the real deal, you might also suggest rubbing with cream and applying some ice, right after spanking. Both will reduce bruising. You also can use arnica afterward -- it comes in a cream form, and it also comes in pills that you can take beforehand, if you think you're going to be getting a spanking!
Next, wood will bruise a lot more than other implements. Leather, used properly and not wrapped around the hips, will redden the cheeks quite nicely, but should not leave a lot of bruises, if any.
Hope this helps.
-FloridaMichael

thanks, guys! Michael is right about the rubbing...lotion and ice do help too.

My pleasure.

I know so many people that have ended up in relationships with non spanker's that have been left with the need to be spanked and have had to seek it outside there relationship with their original partner. Ultimately this has resulted in the breakup of the original relationship.

If this kink is strong in you then you must put in the mixing pot of finding a life partner.

I can assure you from personal experience it easier to include you kinks when your looking for a soul mate than discovering later you can't live without your kinks in your life.

maybe if you piss him off beforehand

hey guys,

thanks again so much for all the responses! and spankinghero, it's funny you should say that because the only time my bf has ever taking me over the lap and spanked me (not hard or long, but at least semi-seriously) was when i had posted some slutty pictures of myself up on facebook. other than that, it's never happened. i don't think that intentionally pissing off an unwilling spanker is going to ever work in the long run though because eventually, it will just deteriorate the relationship.

and billy_wizz, you make a good point once again, trying to look for any kind of semi-erotic associated play outside the consent of your relationship will inevitably lead to break ups. i know if my bf knew what i was doing, he'd flip over backwards.

ultimately, i guess it comes down to what is more important, fulfilling a tremendous personal need, or sacrificing that need for a functioning relationship.

i'll have to think about that one some more.