Tears and Spanking
 

The topic has come up in a few chats as of recently so I wanted to take it to the boards.

The connection between being spanked and crying doesn't seem to hard to make....except if you are the type that can not cry due to a spanking like myself.

I always read and hear Tops say how they enjoy (if that is the right word for it) a bottom to wiggle and even be brought to tears by the power of their spankings even if it is just a destressing release....but what happens if the bottom does not cry - does that mean the spanking was any less effective and does the Top not get anything out of it because of this?

It was also brought up recently that punishment should come with tears..to rid oneself of the guilt and such brought about by the wrong doing.....does that mean a punishment is less effective if not accompanied with tears?

The act of crying along with a spanking is a deeply fought battle within myself..yes i admit that it might be nice to let go in that emotional release but I have to face the facts that that might be the holy grail for me which may not be found.....

Any thoughts?

Sherie

Count me as one who loves tears. And I'll add that tears almost never happen in play spankings or good girl spankings for me, not that I'm looking for tears then, anyway.

When they happen, they happen in a punishment scene that is coupled by stern scolding and, in one case, in a play scene where she wanted tears, so in that case I strapped her in for three dozen strokes with a braided belt, gave the strokes in sets of three as hard as I could, and spoke sternly throughout. She fought until the very end and then the first tear, and then the floodgates opened (she said it was partly from the humiliation of having had her resistance initially broken down with that first tear).

I like tears also, but as hard as I've spanked Ann it's never happened. I've gotten noise, begging, and struggle, but no tears. She can be a real brat, so I haven't given up yet.

Bryan

While there is a connection concerning tears, I don't think crying should be a goal in itself, or a condition. It happens if it happens. It's a superficial, physical reaction which may or may not accurately reflect what's going on inside the head of a particular person. Spankees don't need to be thinking about tears or "trying" to cry; they need to think about their feelings and how to make things better. I believe it's one of those things that the less you think about it, the more likely it is to just happen on its own before you even realize it. On the other hand, if you feel like you 'should' cry and try to make it happen, you'll distract yourself from the emotional unburdening which is the real goal, and whatever brings you there is what matters.

To cry or not is up to the spankee. It is an extra plus if it happens but not a neccesity for a good spanking session. I don't want to cause greater conflict within by creating a feeling of dissappiontment if it doesn't happen. It doesn't diminish the enjoyment on my part as a spanker if it doesn't happen or make it less effective. There are many ways to enjoy spanking or make it effecive, the trick is to find a combination that works for both parties.

Actually, I pretty much agree entirely with Adelina on this post. And speaking as a Top, I think it's a dangerous thing to put oneself into a situation (as the Top) where tears are expected. It's easy to fall into a head-to-head conflict in which the bottom/sub may resist crying as a silent form of defiance. Let the spanking stand on it's one, and let tears come as they might, or might not.

Anytime you watch videos, you always see the girl crying and kicking and reacting to every swat.....it's a very hot fantasy, but real-life spankings usually don't go that route. I've never gone into a scene with the intention or expectation that it would happen. When it does happen in rare instances it's a tremendous feeling to do aftercare and cradle the spankee in your arms as those tears fall on my shoulder. Overall I agree with the consensus: let it happen naturally if it's meant to happen.

My personal opinion as a spanker:

I understand that people have different opinions and perspectives on this and I respect that. But personally, I have no intention to cause tears or get any pleasure from making a woman cry under any circumstances. I like for a woman to enjoy being spanked and derive pleasure from it. A certain amount of slight discomfort might add to her experience, but I don't want to actually hurt any woman, especially one I care about. If she wants to pretend or play act to be feeling some discomfort, that's fine. But in reality, tears are something I can do with out.

This whole "tears" issue is another hot-button issue. My personal taste on this matches J Seven's almost 100%. If a spankee feels the need to cry I'd sure like a "heads up" beforehand. Otherwise I would feel horrible.

I'm a bit on the fence about this issue. I have cried during a spanking before, but it was triggered by the scolding and not by the spanking itself. I had disappointed my husband and I felt horrible about it. The tears were somewhat cathartic, but I felt so terrible about what I'd done that my guilt wasn't entirely relieved by the spanking or the tears. On the other hand, there have been times when I'm under stress that I wished a spanking could bring me to tears so that I could release some of the tension. I've never been able to cry from a spanking alone, and although my husband has tried his hardest to bring me to tears for the purpose of relieving stress, I've never been able to achieve tears without guilt. I don't think tears are necessary for a spanking to be effective, but sometimes it would be nice if I could have a good cry.