Tears and Spanking
 

The topic has come up in a few chats as of recently so I wanted to take it to the boards.

The connection between being spanked and crying doesn't seem to hard to make....except if you are the type that can not cry due to a spanking like myself.

I always read and hear Tops say how they enjoy (if that is the right word for it) a bottom to wiggle and even be brought to tears by the power of their spankings even if it is just a destressing release....but what happens if the bottom does not cry - does that mean the spanking was any less effective and does the Top not get anything out of it because of this?

It was also brought up recently that punishment should come with tears..to rid oneself of the guilt and such brought about by the wrong doing.....does that mean a punishment is less effective if not accompanied with tears?

The act of crying along with a spanking is a deeply fought battle within myself..yes i admit that it might be nice to let go in that emotional release but I have to face the facts that that might be the holy grail for me which may not be found.....

Any thoughts?

Sherie

Count me as one who loves tears. And I'll add that tears almost never happen in play spankings or good girl spankings for me, not that I'm looking for tears then, anyway.

When they happen, they happen in a punishment scene that is coupled by stern scolding and, in one case, in a play scene where she wanted tears, so in that case I strapped her in for three dozen strokes with a braided belt, gave the strokes in sets of three as hard as I could, and spoke sternly throughout. She fought until the very end and then the first tear, and then the floodgates opened (she said it was partly from the humiliation of having had her resistance initially broken down with that first tear).

I like tears also, but as hard as I've spanked Ann it's never happened. I've gotten noise, begging, and struggle, but no tears. She can be a real brat, so I haven't given up yet.

Bryan

While there is a connection concerning tears, I don't think crying should be a goal in itself, or a condition. It happens if it happens. It's a superficial, physical reaction which may or may not accurately reflect what's going on inside the head of a particular person. Spankees don't need to be thinking about tears or "trying" to cry; they need to think about their feelings and how to make things better. I believe it's one of those things that the less you think about it, the more likely it is to just happen on its own before you even realize it. On the other hand, if you feel like you 'should' cry and try to make it happen, you'll distract yourself from the emotional unburdening which is the real goal, and whatever brings you there is what matters.

To cry or not is up to the spankee. It is an extra plus if it happens but not a neccesity for a good spanking session. I don't want to cause greater conflict within by creating a feeling of dissappiontment if it doesn't happen. It doesn't diminish the enjoyment on my part as a spanker if it doesn't happen or make it less effective. There are many ways to enjoy spanking or make it effecive, the trick is to find a combination that works for both parties.

Actually, I pretty much agree entirely with Adelina on this post. And speaking as a Top, I think it's a dangerous thing to put oneself into a situation (as the Top) where tears are expected. It's easy to fall into a head-to-head conflict in which the bottom/sub may resist crying as a silent form of defiance. Let the spanking stand on it's one, and let tears come as they might, or might not.

Anytime you watch videos, you always see the girl crying and kicking and reacting to every swat.....it's a very hot fantasy, but real-life spankings usually don't go that route. I've never gone into a scene with the intention or expectation that it would happen. When it does happen in rare instances it's a tremendous feeling to do aftercare and cradle the spankee in your arms as those tears fall on my shoulder. Overall I agree with the consensus: let it happen naturally if it's meant to happen.

My personal opinion as a spanker:

I understand that people have different opinions and perspectives on this and I respect that. But personally, I have no intention to cause tears or get any pleasure from making a woman cry under any circumstances. I like for a woman to enjoy being spanked and derive pleasure from it. A certain amount of slight discomfort might add to her experience, but I don't want to actually hurt any woman, especially one I care about. If she wants to pretend or play act to be feeling some discomfort, that's fine. But in reality, tears are something I can do with out.

This whole "tears" issue is another hot-button issue. My personal taste on this matches J Seven's almost 100%. If a spankee feels the need to cry I'd sure like a "heads up" beforehand. Otherwise I would feel horrible.

I'm a bit on the fence about this issue. I have cried during a spanking before, but it was triggered by the scolding and not by the spanking itself. I had disappointed my husband and I felt horrible about it. The tears were somewhat cathartic, but I felt so terrible about what I'd done that my guilt wasn't entirely relieved by the spanking or the tears. On the other hand, there have been times when I'm under stress that I wished a spanking could bring me to tears so that I could release some of the tension. I've never been able to cry from a spanking alone, and although my husband has tried his hardest to bring me to tears for the purpose of relieving stress, I've never been able to achieve tears without guilt. I don't think tears are necessary for a spanking to be effective, but sometimes it would be nice if I could have a good cry.

I thought I ought to post my idea's on this subject. Tears and spanking? Yes, they are related, but not nessacary.

I myself, have only cried once. And it was not from the spanking at all. It was from the emotional stress that had been built up inside of me. The spanker just forced me to let it go, with an asistance of a few hard smacks.

The crying was very refreshing and I felt so much better after it was all over.

But I feel my opinion is null and void on the subject since I haven't yet to have a REAL discipline session. I had a few minor ones with Brian this weekend, one brought me to the brink of tears, but I sucked in a few deep breaths and recovered. For some reason I'm waiting on something. Holding back from that point.

But. No. Tears are not nessacary, but often times make the experience a lot more memorable.

The first time I cried from a spanking it was a punishment one. Granted I had received other punishments before hand but they were never really punishments for me. It was little things and I realize now that I felt no real connection to the spanker, although we were good friends.

Last semester I got a punishment spanking from someone and I felt awful. I felt genuinely bad. I knew I deserved it so I didn't fight it at first. The tears started when he first bent me over his bed and gave me maybe half a dozen hand spanks. They were the hardest I'd ever felt in my life. I said "oooww!!" and he said "Did that hurt?" and I nodded and said "Yeah.." and he said "Well I wasn't even going to give you a warm up so you should be happy."

This guy is a hard spanker. I'd rank him in the top 3 with Dallas being 1 (although I've never been spanked by Dallas...I'm pretty sure he's the hardest spanker ever....).

When I found out those 6 swats were my warm up and he meant business. I started crying and I didn't stop until he dropped me back off at my dorm. He was very gentle and caring throughout the whole thing which lasted a total of about 30-45 minutes. He was firm and strict and lectured a bit, but he was patient and I didn't get extra when I would jump up. I know I took the spanking well - he used several different implements, including several paddles and a belt and leather strap.

The tears felt amazing and they were fueled by the pain. Started by emotion, fueled by pain. When the spanking stopped the emotion kept the tears going for a while. His hugs and holding me helped the tears to begin to subside.

The second time I ever cried was over my spring break when I went to Disney with my friend, Mr.Fox.

He isn't into marks or extremely hard spankings or anything - mostly fun - which is fine by me, we had an absolute blast. One day though I was cranky and a total brat. Not even on purpose bratting to get a spanking. I was really upset with myself and the way I acted. Everytime I was cranky he would add a number. Started with one and made it to 8 at which point he said "These are minutes and the implement is the belt" and that about worked.

He gave me 5 minutes with the belt - thats when I started to cry a bit as the belt is pure punishment for me - and he stopped for a minute then gave me 10 final VERY hard ones. He held me a lot after, and gave me lotion. It was nice.

I will only cry with someone whom I feel intimately (not necessarily sexually) connected with.

Often times I can't cry from a spanking, I try and it doesn't happen - so I leave it to happen on it's own.

Hummmm, crying.........I believe like those who stated above that it is individualized and not always the "goal" of a spanking...if it happens it happens..... for me, there are times, I am totally stressed and just ask for a spanking to tears session.....it doesn't take much or very long to get the tears flowing, and afterward it's wonderful to feel so calm....i find the problem with this 'spanking to tears" spanking is the Top stops too soon, thinking that his spanking made me cry so quickly that he needs to stop.....I like to have the spanking continue even when I'm crying, but I find many Tops (like some above) don't like the crying, so they stop....for me, being spanked to tears is MORe than just "to" tears....spanking and tears opens the flood gates and allows me to let it all out.....Crying for several minutes while getting spanked is the best head clearer for me.

Now punishment spankings are a different story. When I know it's punishment, I start to cry before the spankings ever start.....because i know I've disappointment my Top and that he doesn't enjoy having to punish me, but that it's necessary....the whole punishment "routine" keeps me teary eyed and once the hairbrush is brought out the tears really start to flow...but afterward, I feel refreshed, forgiven, refocused.....

So long story short....tears are very beneficial to me and i feel wonderful after a good spanking with tears, whatever the reason for the spanking

honestly
 

I haven't cried from a spanking since I was about 11. I think it's linked to some pretty horrible punishments I got from that point in my life on and getting through a spanking for me meant blocking it all out. It was my goal to be silent and stoic (some of you can attest I do a VERY good job with this). I wasn't going to give the person the satisfaction of making me cry. I never fully mastered the silent part but I did the crying part.

Ironic now that I'm doing this willingly I really wish I could cry. I'm with Jerseysweet though on this one. The person who is going to get there is going to be some one I am connected with on a whole different level. As I heard some one put it the other day, "the one that get's through is going to be my prince."

Make no mistake when I'm playing I'm only looking to play not fall apart emotionally... but there have been times where it's more intimate then play and I wish I could have tears... and nothing comes.

Oh well tear's are my everest!
Kaylex

crying produces endorphines which make you feel good. I try to spank to tears and a bit beyoud. hot-spanker

To cry, for me, is exceedingly scary because it exposes me, and makes me vulnerable. For me, with my personality type (ISTJ), any kind of emotional response to situations is a rarity. I fight outward emotional responses (not just related to spanking, but in most situations : happy, sad, content, satisfied) mightily. In my perception, it gives others power when they know what they can/can not do to make me happy, sad, hurt, etc. For reasons not fully yet understood by me, this vulnerability puts me at an emotional disadvantage and makes me extremely uncomfortable. Altho I know intellectually that crying does not make one weak (I don't view people who cry as 'weak'), I personally feel weak if I allow tears, or emotional response. Like I can't control myself and that makes me weak if I can't control my responses.

Therefore, tears come with complete and total trust in someone that they will not use the knowledge of what makes me cry to my detriment. I struggled a lot with the urge to cry with RG. I still have problems with doing it freely, but tears come more easily in certain situations with him, including some spanking situations. Many times it is due to an emotional response that is simply released by the pain of a spanking. And there are still many times where I hold back. I've never sobbed; I usually jut have a few tears sliding down, but for me that is a HUGE deal.

And he makes me look at him, too, so he can see, which is the hardest thing for me to do. It's one thing to cry into the bedspread where he can't see my face (even if he knows I am doing it), but another thing to actually have him see me when I am doing it.

sarah

I don't cry. Moan, scream, wiggle, kick, but no cry. I would like to but don't.
I heard somewhere that if one feels "guilt" in association with the spanking it helps, but haven't got there yet.

I have to agree on this. Play or good girl spanking never brought tears. It only happens with the punishment spankings and again, I think it involved trust and comfort between the spanker and spankee. I have had spankees that would hold the tears in at first and later on in the relationship would cry. I also don't see it as a necessity. If the spankee doesn't cry I don't "not get anything out of it". On the same token though tears from a punishment spanking let me know that the intended effect was realized. I don't need tears, but it is great when the relationship allows tears for both parties.

I have always wanted to be spanked to tears. I've only had one man who really spanked me good, (other men have been "afraid to hurt me" that's the whole point, though, isn't it) He had promised that at our next session, I was gonna cry. Unfortunately, there was never a next session. I ended the relationship because he obviously forgot that ultimately, the sub has the control and he did something to me that he shouldn't have. Sometimes, though, wish my damn principles didn't get in the way.

The only times I've seen someone cry from one of my spankings, it has been a punishment spanking. So, the crying hasn't really been from the pain of the spanking. It's actually been from the guilt associated with the behavior and the lecture I gave about it.

Tears are an awesome thing if you know they are coming..if you dont, makes you feel about 2 feet high.