Where does Spanking fit?
 

A question that has always intrigued me is where does the spanking fetish stop and where does BDSM start?

What makes us different from the BDSM crowd? Are we just a subset of the BDSM folks with a interest in Dominance and Submission side of BDSM or are we a group of fetishists in our own right?

I have notice on other spanking forums that if you say are interested in any form of BDSM play you are quickly seen as a freak. Is this right or should we be more tolerant?

There's always been a distinct division between the spanking community and the BDSM community. Most folks in the spanking community say "Oh I'm not kinky! I'm not perverted like those whips and chains people. I just enjoy spanking :D" Meanwhile folks in the BDSM community say things like "Spanking is passe, it's 101, ANYONE can do that.", completely ignoring the nuances and style in what we do and implying there's no skill involved when in fact I've observed a lot of SLOPPY technique which is inexcusable.

BDSM to me is a lifestyle mentality that covers ALL aspects, not just play. As a top, it's a major charge to give someone an order saying "This is what you will wear today, this is the schedule you will keep..." etc, but the division between fantasy and reality lies in knowing the person you're with and knowing where lines are drawn.

I'd like to think on this forum that we're more open to folks who enjoy "heavier" elements of fetish play like flogging, bondage, single tails etc. We just put more emphasis on spanking because that's what we love most :D

heh well I sort am in to the whole BDSM thing as a whole I guess SM is a part of it as it is in the name and such. A more mild form?

Different idea's I guess.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I have always found it funny that people think that spanking isn't kinky. The Sunday papers in the UK thought it was very kinky until recently, especially if you were a member of the Government. I remember in my youth the endless stories of kinky couples spanking in the News of the World. I love being kinky and and proud to think of myself as a kinky spanker. It makes one sound more interesting.

Personally I think to dismiss spanking as less of an art than say Japanese Rope bondage is an incorrect thing to do. Both require a lot of practice and skill to do correctly. And from my observations at fetish fairs the belief that anyone can do can be dangerous to the BDSM submissive being caned or whipped.

I can see what you are saying, BlackVelvet007, that the BDSM community in it purest form can be more 24/7 in nature that dictates even the clothes someone wears. It can be far more controlling than the spanking kink. However the spanking kink also has it's elements of 24/7 relationships in the form of Domestic Discipline scene which has lots of throw backs to the spanking scene.

I do wonder how may pure spankers are out there. How many of us play on the fringes of BDSM or take what we like from BDSM?

I know in the past I have used mind control games to control a spankee with their consent. Or incorporated the more, let us say, erotic side of spankings which included orgasm control and orgasm overload to the extent of getting my spanking partner into subspace. Is this part of the spanking scene or part of the BDSM scene? I know the ladies I have spanked have always been grateful.

Kyra I think you might be right that spanking is just a specialist form of BDSM as is something like Japanese Rope bondage when performed exclusively on its own. The thing is I'm sure there are few pure spankers out there. Most of us play other games that cross the lines.

Hi Billy

As i read your question , i could not help but laugh, here we are again it is of each indevidual ,to decied what it is to them , in my opinion , you know like ,the question of did the egg come first or did the chicken?

is Spanking a part of BDSM, or is it,it's Own Indevidual Kink ,my opinion is it is Both !
BDSM is a complex combination of edges. and different leavels of play with in each genre of Kink, and that can include spanking . In the same spanking is it's own Proclivity , and therefore for some it is a seperate kink.

BDSM is based in power/controle .Or Power Exchange ie Giver/Reciver and that dose not mean only in pain or sex or discipline or bondage etc etc...

and in "my" opinion spanking uses that power /controle dynamic to work.

~ dena

Ok I've read everyones comments and they make sence.

However now wondering myself. Where does Master/Mistriss and slave fit in. I assumed that is part of BDSM but it is not in the genral names and everytime I look its is not listed under the same thing. I think what I find difficult is finding slave themes with spanking. Incredibly hard alot of the stuff is just hardcore BDSM with people doing things that are a bit much for me.

Hi dena and Kyra

I know, what you mean dena about laughing at the question. And you are right some extent it one of those "what came first the chicken or the egg" questions that doesn't have a real answer. Maybe in a moment of madness I thought it would something interesting to discuss.

I think my opinion is similar to yours dena .

I see it as a specialisation of BDSM. It is clearly part of the Dominance and Submission scene but it seems to draw a different crowd of people some of which feel uncomfortable with main stream BDSM. Like you say these people have their own habitual inclination to the spanking scene and the spanking scene alone making it a kink in it own right.

I'm one of those people that has that been into the spanking scene since I can't remember when, but when I first used the internet spanking sites simply didn't exist and the only place that my kink fitted into was the few BDSM sites that were then about. It seemed natural to join one of these. Thankfully I seemed to fit in to there little world with no problem at all and found extentions to my spanking kink. Being on BDSM sites certainly broadened my thinking and allowed me to pick and choose what I liked and didn't like in the BDSM scene. It was only with the formation of usernet group alt.sex.spanking that spanking started to get it's own identity on the internet and early sites like this came along. So I guess that why I see the Spanking and BDSM as similar. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble.

Turning to Kyra's point.

The Master/Mistriss and slave side of BDSM fits into the Spanker/spankee relationship of the Spanking scene. Although there is no real slave themes, i.e I don't think many, if any, spankers would order their spankee to kneel at there feet while they watch TV etc, there is an understanding between a Spanker and a Spankee that there are rules and boundaries that once crossed can result in a spanking. So there are rules and conventions about expected behaviour just as there is in a Master/Mistriss and slave relationship in BDSM. They are just not as extreme.

The one thing I would say there is a more fun side to Spanking that you often see at spanking parties that doesn't seem to exist as much in BDSM. BDSM seems much darker and more controlling.

Billy

Why is it that we always have to label ourselves and then sub classify? It seems we have to attach ourselves to some category and then find our place within it.

I am ME and happy to be so. I love spanking... I am ME who loves spanking in all its forms. I confess to knowing absolutely nothing about BDSM and have no inclination to find out! Hooray and total respect for those who consider spanking part of BDSM. If that fits for you, then it is so.


I think when you grow comfortable in who you are and what works and doesn't for you it is easier to discard the labels. In the meantime...I'm still happy to be just ME that likes spanking!

I say who cares where spanking fits... spend more time enjoying who you are and less time worrying about what you are. In my opinion if you do that the labels will take care of themselves and it will not matter in the slightest where spanking fits!

Stripes.

Welcome to the site Stripes

I guess the answer to your question is that we are tribal pack animals and we like to be in little groups of people where we fill comfortable. So wanting to know where you fit is just part human nature.

In any case it something to talk about between spanking lovely bottoms.

Billy

Thanks for the welcome Billy.

You are right about us wanting to fit into groups. I am happy to be part of this group and already feel comfortable!



Stripes.

Well put BV
 

Hats off to you BV. I could not agree more with your answer to this thread.



-OSJ

P.S. I'm glad you kicked that pneumonia pal-I was praying for you.

hi
 

I have been back and forth to this post quite a bit and do find it extremely interesting.


It is part of innate human nature to want to ‘fit in’ or be a part of something and indeed to know exactly where we do fit in.

We all at some point, usually during our teenage years, experience that awkwardness and sometimes the rebellion that is caused by not knowing where we fit in, or where we feel like we belong.

What fascinates me about this post, is that, we are all here, as people who have expressed an interest in spanking, not necessarily, that we are all fetishists, but that we share an interest. We have all come to a level of comfort within ourselves regarding our interest, despite society’s views on the matter.
We spend so many years trying to fit in, and finally we have reached a point within ourselves where we are comfortable enough to break away a bit from that ‘norm’ and explore our interest, with other people who share that interest…..and what do we do?........of course, we look for ways to fit in there too.

As human beings, we want to be accepted and know that there is nothing wrong with us because we have a non-vanilla interest.
It is perfectly normal to want to explore where spanking fits in, but to be honest, I’m not convinced that the answer to that question would be the same for any two people on this forum, or indeed within the whole world of spanking communities.
There may well be aspects and different levels of BDSM involved in different people’s perspectives of spanking and I would agree that there is a certain amount of acceptance and submission where spanking is concerned, and where there is submission, there must be dominance to facilitate that submission.
Its kinda like trying to determine where one blade of grass fits into a whole lawn.
No two blades of grass are the same, but each one fits into the lawn, which is the bigger picture.

perhaps it is because we are all different, that we do fit in!

take care,

Ami.xx.

Master & Mistress - Dublin
 

Dublin/Eire: Elegant Mistress & her well-experienced male assistant specialise in domination & sensual body worship, also traditional domestic & school scenarios. 087 2769894 (no withheld numbers)

hi
 

Thank you Nomad, finally my metaphors are appreciated..............my life's work is complete!!!!!

.xx.

Thank you for all the excellent replies to my question. I wish I could comment on the replies so far in detail but my house was burgled a few weeks ago and they took my laptops and both my cars while I was asleep. When I have time and the replacement laptops I will get back to the thread.

Billy

I've talked to a few in the BDSM scene and they have told me that most are really into a few narrow aspects of the scene and not interested or even repelled by other aspects. I'm not only into spanking only but a rather narrow aspect of spanking.

Ami, not only are your metaphors appreciated, they are spot on! I agree we are all different. It's great that we are all different yet hold a common interest. It's great that we can all express our opinion too!

There will never be a precise correct answer to the bdsm/spanking fit. Whatever you belive the answer to be is exactly what it is!

Spanks to all,

StripesTO

hi
 

Thank you StripesTO and again, thank you Nomad.

I believe that it is extremely important for everyone to be able to express their own opinions openly on a forum like this and for everyone's opinion to be looked at with an open mind.
Although we may not always agree with the opinion of another, there is no wrong answer to a question such as 'where does spanking fit?' It is different for every single person and the degree of spanking/bdsm that each person willingly and comfortably (i use that word loosely) chooses to engage in, is what is right for them,
so as StripesTO so beautifully put it 'Whatever you believe the answer to be is exactly what it is!'

To address Nomad's point about Punishment, It is my belief that punishment and spanking go hand in hand, and anyone who was spanked as a child will agree with that, you did something wrong, you were spanked, you were forgiven and it was all over with.
I do believe, as it has been my own personal experience that people do not stop 'needing' that discipline and structure just because they turn 18, and for such people, myself included, there are no sexual aspects to the spanking, it is strictly about discipline and punishment and atoning for wrong-doings and knowing that when it is all over, you are forgiven and for me, that is the best feeling in the world!

I cannot comment on how much or if any that punishment is involved in BDSM because I really have no idea, but I would feel that BDSM is more related to ultimate submission and dominance, not necessarily brought on by any particular misdeed but moreso because both parties have come to that arrangement and that is what they willingly do...i.e....that is what is right for them.

so maybe it is not for us to worry about where spanking fits but more to be concerned about whether we are being true to what spanking means to us or are we sacrificing our own individual and unique position in that lawn by trying to fit in, when if we just stepped back and took a look at the bigger picture, we would see that each and every one of us already holds a position of prominence.

Just be who you are.

Take care all,

Ami.xx.

oh well thank you very much Nomad...make me blush why dont ya?????

and if its only my mind you are after, you are more than welcome to it...everyone else is sick of listening to me at this stage!!!

would be more that delighted to engage in intelligent discussion regarding this and any other matters with you.

Ami.xx.

To me, spanking is where someone is hitting someone else's bottom! BDSM is a wide range of bondage, discipline, submission, dominance, sadism, masochism and probably some other things.

I think it's really fluid though. In my travels through the internet I find spanking sites that have things I don't like and BDSM sites that have stuff that really turn me on. But I would say that I'm more into spanking and submission than I'm into bdsm if I had to slap a label on myself.

hi
 

Hi Indigo Velvet,

Yes, the act of spanking is one person striking another person's bottom, but I doubt that it is that 'bland' for very many people.
What about the trust and confidence that both parties must have in each other in order to safely engage in such an activity?

As I have been told many times 'Anyone can strike a bottom' and this is true, physically anyone can do that, but doesn't it take someone a bit special, someone you trust, someone you know that they will not take you beyond your limits, to make it a worthwhile experience?

Isn's it worth anything to know that you are being spanked because someone cares enough about you to spank you, rather that just be spanked for the sake of smacking a bottom???


Regards,

Ami.xx.

I've spent many years in the scene and I've found that spankos rarely stray into bondage or other aspects of the B&D scene. At parties they usually are people representing all aspects of B&D but rarely anyone into S&M. Only a professional would likely be into all aspects of the B&D scene, after all, they got to make a living. The majority of us stick to a small niche that appeals to us.