Crying
 

Crying!

A charged topic with the spanked girls!

Some love to.
Some want to but can't.
Some feel release from it.
Some don't want to and resist it.
Some want to but resist it.
And so on!!!

Girls of MSF, how do YOU feel about crying? When/after being spanked, how does it affect you? How does it make you feel?

Guys of MSF, how does it affect you when a girl that you're spanking or have spanked cries?

It's always a nice release when im able to let the tears flow.. It's just like a great big weight being lifted off of my chest... Between work an my kids an the rest of my crazy life it's definitely welcomed.. It's always nice when my partner takes me in His arms after an comforts me.. Being hugged and held alot when this happens is very important to me... It helps me to feel safe and loved...

It usually depends on the type of spanking for me. When I'm in trouble, ooops did I actually admit that ? Anyway... for true discipline I pretty much always turn into a big baby whether I want to or not. I'm concentrating on so many things during the spanking,(like owwwwwwie that hurts !) that brave just goes out the window.Guilt is such a wasted emotion. Crying, along with the lesson applied, gives me a feeling of a clean slate.

I like crying after I get a spanking, especially if its a serious punishment. I think it helps alleviate the nervous feeling I get in my stomach when I know I'm going to get spanked, also I'm such a wimp a sore bottom will usually make me cry.

Crying is a fantastic release for me. My measure of a good top is someone who will keep going to get me there. I don't do discipline, so for me it's just a way to get rid of stress and to chill out, and part of making a scene feel more real. Being snuggled up afterward is always nice too.

i don't usually cry from release with spankings. i remember crying twice after punishments. once it was because my owner walked away right after spanking me-- he was just giving me a minute to wind down, but i thought he was getting ready to go out as if nothing had just happened (it was a spontaneous spanking for defiant behavior, not something pre-planned). i burst into tears-- only to find out that he was planning on plenty of debriefing and aftercare and was only stepping away (less than 10 feet away in fact) for a moment. the second time was after i had to self-spank while on the phone with him. it was awful and i didn't feel better afterward so i cried.

after my recent (and debatably only) truly physically severe punishment, i did not cry at all. i think this was because it was so physically challenging-- i was focusing on getting through it. if the emotional intensity matched the physical intensity then maybe it would have happened but i'm not sure.

i am a person who feels very strongly with everything that i feel (not in a manic-depressive way, just in a passionate way), and i have always cried very easily. i like the idea of crying from a spanking not because i feel the need for a clean slate or a release or forgiveness, but because for me it marks a level of emotional intensity that i really like to get inside of. real, involuntary crying shows extreme vulnerability, and in my relationship we play with that a lot and it appeals to me.

This appeals to me as well - but is also incredibly terrifying for me. It also shows a loss of control, and control is something in virtually all areas of my life that I try to maintain. My struggle with crying, or NOT crying, is deeply psychological and I have pondered quite at length for years over it.

Shall I give the short answer or long answer....? :D

Short answer is this: I resist crying at all costs. I resist expressing emotion to a great degree, and crying is an extreme form of emotion expression.

I like the idea of being able to cry freely without care of how vulnerable it makes me.

I don't believe I have ever really cried after a spanking. I have been tearful - and RG defines this as crying - but when I think of crying, I think of --- well, crying. lol. Sobs. Not necessarily hysterical, but sobbing and free flowing tears. In the rare times that I have cried by my own definition, I have been careful not to do it unless I was alone - and usually for very emotionally wrenching reasons, or because I feel a lack of control in a certain area of my life with no obvious way to regain that control.

Allowing the few tears to fall that I have has been a tremendous step - but as for feeling any kind of release or such from crying -- Nope, hasn't happened.

sarah

I meet one woman monthly for discipline spankings (her husband won't provide them, as he can't bring himself to "hurt" her). We've meet three times; the last two for specific infractions. She resisted up to the end but the combination of harshness and scolding put her over the edge. She absolutely hated admitted she cried, though, and hid her face as long as possible.

Another girl I played with wanted to experience release, and had previously resisted all the way. Took tying her down over a table, and then three dozen strokes with a braided belt to bring her over the edge, and then the floodgates opened. She alternately cursed me out and thanked me for days afterward.

Other than that, no, but then I've only spanked around 8 or 9 girls total.

Loaded question. As a male spanker, does it make me look bad to say I LIKE it when a spankee bawls like a baby over my lap? It usually falls under "fantasies I enjoy which I don't get to enact" because, as the opening post says, spankees rarely cry for various reasons. Occasionally, like Amber said, when it's disciplinary and the spankee enters the right mindset, it CAN happen and in truth it's amazing on both sides when it does. Just lay out as much time for aftercare as necessary.

Hmm. The bawl-like-a-baby deal has always been a part of my fantasies. It's a very attractive element to me, turns me on if someone tells me that's their plan for me. I wonder why I'm so different? I feel like I must be missing something!

Maybe it's because I don't do discipline? That it isn't directly connected to pesky emotions?

I would have to agree with your comments about the harshness and scolding - combined with the prescribed discipline - as being the key MH. It appears that the most common mistake made is that many spankers feel that by merely increasing the vigor, intensity or number of strokes the crying/release will be brought about. Perhaps this does work on some but I feel it is more a combination of the total setting and session. I know a woman that will break down at hearing she will get the hairbrush ( no doubt due to the fact that it used for discipline only and not play) I once brought a young lady to tears with nothing more than 12 sharp strokes of the cane. Another lady braved very well a severe paddling only to lose her composure and break down upon being sent to the corner.

Gary D.

yes, exactly, i think that a really physically difficult punishment, for a lot of people including me, gets you focused on getting through it. there has to be an emotional component for tears to be activated.

adelina, i don't think that you're alone. i like the idea of crying too, maybe even bawling over a lap. i don't know if i'd want someone to tell me that that's what their plan is... that sounds a bit scary to me. but knowing that they would get something out of it if i did cry, like darkforest mentioned, is nice. i think it indicates that the experience is something they take seriously, and that they are interested in your authentic reactions, and that they are looking for an intense and immersive experience.

Adelina, I'm just wondering, and just tell me to mind my own beeswax if you may- Do you choose to not be spanked for discipline or has it just not happened as of yet ? I know everyone has their own spanking desires here and for some that means spanking only for pleasure, while others like myself need both kinds. Ok all, a confession :rolleyes: I do need to feel like someone gives a flip about my staying in line so to speak, lol. Anyway, if this is a choice that you don't do discipline spankings, is it because of the vulnerability issue as Sarah has mentioned ? Or does the whole idea of being submisive in that way turn you off ? Inquiring minds wanna know.

Excellent question! Thanks for asking.

I am entirely uninterested in discipline, Amber. It never crossed my mind in the decades I was growing up and fantasizing about spanking; it was always about excitement, thrill, and, as I got older, sex. I actually have quite good problem-solving skills and a knack for self-reflection. Though it takes me time to work through all my mental cogs and gears and figure things out, I find that much more satisfying than simply having someone tell me the solution. That makes me feel constricted, rather than secure. If I am in bad space, in a "down" as a result of my challenging anxiety disorder, I feel much more comfortable being left alone and resent attempts to butt in and "help."

When I immersed myself into this online scene and discovered that such a lifestyle [DD] existed, I was at first quite appalled and thought all these women needed help! I now know better. But, I tried to make myself want discipline, because I had this sense that if I didn't go for the discipline, I'd 1) not find a partner, and 2) not be considered a "real" spanko. So, I tried. And tried. And while I got extremely pissed off, angry, resentful, and ended up fed up with spanking altogether, I never got all these warm fuzzy feelings that people say discipline gives them. Might be my upbringing [supremely perfectionist with no forgiveness ever in sight], might just be my personality type [methodical and analytical].

While spanking is my primary focus and I adore it, I think in intent, I have more in common with the wider BSDM community in terms of the eroticism I associate with spanking. I love black leather, locks and chains [not necessarily being IN them!], and pain for its own sake. I like my play very intense, and then when the scene is done, equilibrium is restored. I am now able to go about it without having it all about sex, but my primary goals are still recreational and sensual, not behavioral.

By the way, I figured most of that out about myself by babbling at poor RG. I owe that guy a pizza. Er, wait, he's Southern... I own him some greens n beans. :)

Hey, if ya owe him some greens n' beans, Adelina, then I owe him the fried chicken or some such. RG is king when it comes to self-discovery babble.

LOL. Well, I started to reply to Adelina's post about going through much of that with her, and then aurora chimed in. So I'll just generalize the intended comment a bit.

I think that this little series of posts point out some very important things about the spanking community and finding your way in it. There have also been a few other recent posts around the same theme (Panda Bear's comes to mind), which indicates that this is a pretty important topic in our world. Some of my personal observations:

(1) What people get out of spanking and what people need from spanking is incredibly diverse! It can be almost as different as night and day.

(2) I am surprised at how many people make assumptions, usually subconscious, at how spanking works in the human mind in relation to No. 1 above, and then blithely go blundering through the spanking world. At the least, they are out of touch with a lot of people who don't fit the narrow paradigm in their mind, and at the worst cause a lot of confusion and needless anxiety among those on a journey of discovery themselves. Most often the victims of these often-unintended effects are bottoms and subs.

(3) It's incredibly important to discover and know what YOU want and need from your spanking interest/kink. Until you do, you will not have the potential to be completely happy or satisfied with it. And it's not always an easy world of discovery. It can take much thought, much inner reflection, much learning about the spanking world (and perhaps the wider BDSM world), much talking with others, and more. But the pursuit of understanding yourself is perhaps the single most important thing that you will do. And when you find it, then you must not let others deter you from it.

And more, of course, but I think that catches some of the important essence of what was being touched on here.

Well said RG ! My opinion, which doesn't always account for much, lol, is this;
those who are on the outside of our spanking world that are giving their negative opinions as they peer in at us, need to mind their own beeswax. I don't want to sound rude but really ! Everyone has their kinks, hobbies, interests and so forth. I think it is rude to criticize someone's interest in something out of ignorance. Worst though, is when they spout these opinions in the presence of a sub or bottom like you mention. Focus is what kept me determined to follow through with my curiosity of spanking in the adult world. I'm so glad I did !

Amber, I agree with you completely. Just to clarify my own comments, I was referring to people INSIDE the spanking world! LOL. I've seen a lot of folks, both Tops and bottoms, who have these preconceived notions of how spanking works or should work, and apply that to everyone.

I, by the way, I got a chuckle at your "beeswax" usage. That was common where I grew up, too, but think that in general it has fallen out of disuse in most of the U.S. I wonder if that's another of our "Southernisms?" ;)

"Mind your own beeswax" isn't a Southernism. People said it all the time when I was a kid. It's just gone out of fashion. There was a girl in my 4-H club who did beekeeping and got all bent out of shape whenever people took her bees' name in vain!

And RG's right, it's not the non-spankos, it's people who -are- spankos and don't realize there's more than one type of spanko. I think maybe we get caught in this net of "finally, I found a whole little world (website) where everyone's just like me!" and golly gee, they still aren't all like me. Still lots of variety. I ran into that very blockage myself and had to burrow through it.

Crying is a loaded thing for sure. For me crying only can come if both psychological and physical things are present. If i am being punished, i can start to cry even before I am spanked, because of how I feel about what is going to happen or because of what I did. Sometimes after a long, hard spanking I cry after, sometimes even after the spanker leaves...i am not sure if it is the let down or what. I wish I would cry more often cause I like that release.

RG said:
I am surprised at how many people make assumptions, usually subconscious, at how spanking works in the human mind in relation to No. 1 above, and then blithely go blundering through the spanking world. At the least, they are out of touch with a lot of people who don't fit the narrow paradigm in their mind, and at the worst cause a lot of confusion and needless anxiety among those on a journey of discovery themselves. Most often the victims of these often-unintended effects are bottoms and subs.


...I couldn't have said this better myself.

To any newbies (or OLDbies, for that matter), keep that paragraph in mind at all times. That really sums it up nicely. Truer words were never spoken!

Adelina's dead-on. The biggest misconception most newbies and non-spankos have is that all spankings HAVE to be some harsh, disciplinary black & blue affair. If that's what you WANT, it can be arranged, but it doesn't HAVE to be that way. It can be sensual to the point of being erotic. It can be playful to the point that someone ties the shoelaces together while over the lap (no taking notes, now :D ). Sometimes you just need maintenance spankings to keep in line with what you're doing. So many styles, so many nuances, so many options. Which is why we have these great threads about crying and rubbing ;)

I tend to cry a bit when spanked. Many people have asked me how I do it and why I do it. Crying during a spanking is hard for me to really put into words. I definitely cry because of the pain. Dr. D's hand spankings are worse than anyone can imagine, and when he wields the paddle, OMG! :eek:

The combination of pain and being verbally disciplined for something I did that disappointed him is the combo that brings the tears on for me. Knowing I let him down or disappointed him brings on the tears, and the pain of the implement just pushes it over the edge.

I don't like crying during a spanking, however it is just something that happens and it is often a really good release. I do not like it when I am told that I am going to be made to cry, then I get defiant and try really hard not to and then very often don't because of that. Then the spanking is less effective because I was focusing on not crying instead of the spanking.
And, it is a lot less enjoyable for me as well.

I do like to be comforted after a spanking when I have been crying. That always feesl very nice! :)

Best-
Veronica Daniels

Veronica, I love pics of teary-eyed girls after a spanking. Hope you allow a few of those to be caught and posted on your site.

Mich-

There are plenty of photos and video on our new site of me crying! In fact, I would say there are more of me crying than not!

We are thinking about a DVD of just spankings with tears...what do you think?

Best-
Veronica

I'd love to see it!!

Gary D.

Why, I think it would bring tears to my ey....oh, wait!....that's what YOUR supposed to do!


Perhaps you could name it "Tears Are Falling." (with apologies to KISS)

The sequel, the DVD with dry eyes, could be named "No More Tears." (with apologies to Ozzy Osbourne)

;)

RG-

LOL! :D
Very funny!

Tearfully yours-;)
Veronica

Ditto and well said Veronica.

ROFL Rock on RG. Rock On.

Veronica, my favorite RS video was the one called Tears. I was surprised they didn't include scenes from you on that one. I'd love to see you make up for that at your own production company. :)

Veronica actually does do a great job of this in a couple of her videos that I've seen. And yes, I think it'd be a great idea to do a DVD of just spankings with tears.

But in my experience over the past few years, it's very difficult to pull off a believable spanking scene with crying. Either the model has it in her or she does not. That's not really something that can be faked at all on-camera. It can look really bad.

But if you've got a model who can pull it off...realistically...then you've really got something. We've been fortunate through the years to have one here or there, but it's not easy to do.

Who have been your "criers," Gary? Which one do you think was best?

Crying...

I've only done it once during a spanking. It was a real punishment spanking and he scolded me a lot beforehand. I was brought down and peg or two and then the spanking put me over the edge. He gave me maybe a half dozen hand spanks, and they hurt, they were probably as hard as he can spank. He said "Oh did that hurt?" and I nodded and he said, "Be thankfull, I wasn't even going to give you a warm up" and then realizing that that was my warm up...I cried, and I didn't stop until the ride back to campus...It was well deserved, and I'm not proud of needing it, but I did...and crying helped.

Other than that and a real punishment spanking, I don't think I would cry, maybe some watery eyes, but thats it...

2 that come to mind off the top of my head are Emily and Angela.

Both of those surprise me just a bit. Good for them, though! I tend to see both as some of the tougher girls, and as I recall, both were supposedly spanked quite a bit growing up, too, so were no strangers to a good spanking.

I agree, faking crying is never good in a spanking video. Luckily, I have never had to fake it! I just tend to react to pain and discipline with tears.

Yesterday, for example, Dr. D strapped me with a leather strap from London Tanners that I truly just hate. It stings like crazy, and I really do not like stingy implements very much. Anyway, I know I made a lot of noise during the strapping but was bound and determined I was not going to cry...when he left the room and left me in time out, I could not keep it in any longer and cried my eyes out! I usually do not cry much after a spanking but that one just did me in! I think it was the combination of the strap sting that I find almost unbearable and holding it in for awhile that pushed me over the edge.

We are putting together a "Tears" DVD for our launch at FMS. I think you all will enjoy it!

People have asked me if my crying is real, I am here to tell you, it is all real!

Veronica

I can't say that I'm one of the tougher ones on AS. But I haven't let myself really go as I wish I could. I'm not quiet or still thats for sure :rolleyes: Most of the time when I have been spanked in a video I am just at the verge of bawling when the spanking has ended. Tom(WoodPaddles) can tell you that I am a big baby when I'm in trouble. Like Veronica, whether it be for a video or just a personal session, my tears are very real. Depending on the implement I am sometimes whimpering within the first few swats. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself that "this time I won't cry" cause I always do.

I think the Tears DVD is an awesome idea Veronica.

For me, it depends on the reason I'm being spanked......obviously most times I'm not getting spanked for being a bad girl <smile> so I don't usually cry. However,I do cryif I am being disciplined/punished, or unusally stressed and have requested a "spanking to tears" ......very rarely do I REALLY cry (sob). Crying makes me feel cleansed/forgiven and is a hugh emotional release for me when I'm stressed.

rying also puts me in a vulnerable place.......so that is another reason why I don't usually cry during most spanking. Only those whom I trust enough to discipline me, "destress" me would ever have access to that vulnerability to begin with..

I have absolutely zero desire to cry during a spanking (and I just hope that I don't when it happens). Crying makes my face go all blotchy, my eyes swell up, I get all congested so I can't breathe, and I get a headache. That is not my idea of a cleansing feeling at all! No thanks! Boo on crying!

I'm another that doesn't have a desire for discipline. For a long time I kept thinking that I was wrong and just didn't understand what I really wanted and tried to talk myself into the discipline thing because everyone I encountered seemed to think that discipline was the only way to go or that was the only way to be a "true" spanko or that only discipline spankings were "real" spankings. I even ventured down the path in trying to find an online Top and found that when I had people trying to top me that I really resented it. Who were they to be telling me what I could or could not do? It didn't help matters that mainly they were doing it for purposes to suit their interests and what was good for me or my feelings didn't really seem to matter. I've definitely been soured on the whole discipline side of spanking, but for the most part it doesn't appeal to me anyhow.

When I think of spanking I think of it as something fun and sexy and a happy thing. I like the playful banter and stuff.

I do find that online, people just tend to assume that you want/need discipline and it does get tedious, especially when people look at you like you are some sort of alien when you say you don't want a discipline spanking and have no desire for one.

Now there are definitely parts of the discipline side of things that have great appeal to me like the caring and nurturing and someone noticing you and actually caring about what is going on in your life side of things. And, of course, I do tend to find that dominant personality rather sexy. So, of course that just leads me in circles.

Who the heck knows what I ultimately want?

But...I still don't want to cry and for now (and maybe forever) I just want spanking to be something fun and sexy and flirty and not have dark scary disciplinary connotations. I like that the thought of spanking makes me smile and not cringe.